Wine and emotions don't mix too well

I've always felt that I was an 80 year old man trapped in a 30 something year old body. Young 30s mind you... I have been told by many that I have wisdom beyond my years. But do I really have that kind of wisdom? I think I do when it comes to others. But when I try to apply that wisdom to myself, it never seems to work out like I thought it would.

I have a friend that is 20 years older than me (Old enough to be my dad). Literally... he is the same age as my father, but he doesn't act anything like my father. I believe we are as old as we act. Sometimes thats a good thing. More often than not, that is a bad thing. There are times I would like to just sit in my room and pout all day long. Be pissed at the world for giving me the raw end of the deal at times. Today was one of those days. Well, that is until I had about eight glasses of wine and now life is feeling pretty numb right now.

Numb is good. Numb is very good.

Feelings and emotions are a very sharp double edged sword. You would think that knowing how dangerous this sword could be, I would be more careful with it. Nope, not my dumb ass. I swing it around like a RenFair geek. I toss it in the air and see if I can grab the handle on the way down. Like I said, I'm a dumb ass. I have cut myself so many times on these emotions, its a wonder I haven't bled to death (emotionally that is). Do I learn? Nope. Am I hard headed? Yep.

Life is sucking really, really big time right now. I thought I had some of it figured out, but I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. You were right. You know who you are. Just when I thought I had some sense of what life was offering, it smacked me upside my ass and threw me around. I'm life's bitch. Plain and simple.

I just don't know anymore. Part of me wants to be that zombie of four years ago and just go through the motions regarding life. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't too sad either. I was just there. Is being "there" all that bad? I know we have to feel pain at times to remind ourselves that we are alive, but there needs to be a feeling of happiness as well. If we haven't experienced that feeling of happiness in a while, isn't it better to be a zombie?

I'm rambling now... perhaps its the wine. Perhaps its just pent up emotions from the current state of my life. Consider this my state of the union address. State of the emotional union that is.