Actually; the real lyrics are much more dirty, but I think these lyrics fit me better. I am by no means a "ladies man". I'm not a playa or suave or smooth or a Billy Dee Williams. Yeah... that's right, I said Billy Dee Williams. That guy is cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Anyway, I digress... but don't get me wrong. I'm not butt ugly. I always seem to be able to attract women. The difference between then and now is that I want a certain KIND of woman. I have a specific type that I'm into lately. I just have a problem finding any that want me. There are a few that I've known that fit my style to a tee. Seriously, everything (looks, personality, style, social issues, personal issues, etc) about them is perfect to me. But they didn't like me in a romantic way so I ended up developing crushes on them. Stupid... I know, but my mind is going to do what it's going to do.
What's the problem with a crush you ask? Well, it makes it hard to find someone out there who fits all these things and WILL like me in a romantic way. The problem is that I start comparing them to the crush. Or I always fall back to knowing the crush is always someone I can talk to just not have a relationship with and maybe that's good enough. Donkey balls... I know that's not good enough, but my mind's gonna do what my mind's gonna do.
So... now that I've got myself into this position, there's only one way to get out. I have to try and break my crush with this person and move on. That will give me the opportunity to put 100% effort into a person that may fit the bill AND likes me in a romantic way. It's hard though. Blah blah blah... mind do blah blah blah.
No, but for serious... social networks make it even harder because you constantly see what they are doing or what's going on in the crush's life. I could drop her as a friend, but that's not really fair. She didn't do anything to deserve that and I couldn't really explain it to her anyway. I guess I could block her posts from showing. Not sure how well that would work, but it may be worth a try.
Oh well... just my penny for my thoughts this morning.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Dusting off the cobwebs
It really is sad when I look back at how much I used to post a few years ago compared to the amount I post now. I think it's the social network site overload. This was my primary method used to capture thoughts a few years ago. Now with FB, Google+, and Twitter; that is all changing. I have a hard enough time putting down thoughts in one of those sites.
But this blog is different. Looking back through the previous posts, I realize that this is where I can feel free to capture my intimate thoughts. An online diary that is out there for the world to see, but I am still anonymous enough on it. All the other sites, people know who I am for sure and judge what I put on there. Does it affect what I capture? I'm sure it does. Should it? Of course not. But let's be honest here. It does.
This site does not affect me the same way. It's like my own little safe corner on the Internet. Yeah... I'm sure I'll still beat myself up about something on here, but it's for my own good. Anyway... I hope I can post more than 12 entries this year. Sigh... only TWELVE entries for an ENTIRE year. That is sad. SAD!!!
I remember when I was at the peak of my posting that I wanted to do an entry an day. The professional bloggers do it, so I figured I could to. That crap is hard, yo. For real... to find something to talk about each day is not the problem. But remembering to get online an capture the thought is not so easy when you actually work and have a life.
But I digress... this is a new year. So I'll try again. Full steam ahead... make it so... whatever it takes to keep us going forward.
But this blog is different. Looking back through the previous posts, I realize that this is where I can feel free to capture my intimate thoughts. An online diary that is out there for the world to see, but I am still anonymous enough on it. All the other sites, people know who I am for sure and judge what I put on there. Does it affect what I capture? I'm sure it does. Should it? Of course not. But let's be honest here. It does.
This site does not affect me the same way. It's like my own little safe corner on the Internet. Yeah... I'm sure I'll still beat myself up about something on here, but it's for my own good. Anyway... I hope I can post more than 12 entries this year. Sigh... only TWELVE entries for an ENTIRE year. That is sad. SAD!!!
I remember when I was at the peak of my posting that I wanted to do an entry an day. The professional bloggers do it, so I figured I could to. That crap is hard, yo. For real... to find something to talk about each day is not the problem. But remembering to get online an capture the thought is not so easy when you actually work and have a life.
But I digress... this is a new year. So I'll try again. Full steam ahead... make it so... whatever it takes to keep us going forward.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
A little advice
So I get a call from my mom asking if I would come over and have dinner with her. Well... she is my mom, so of course I'd go for a visit. But then she dropped the bomb. "I need to ask you for advice." What?
No really, what? My mother has NEVER asked me for advice in my life. THIS can not be good. Sigh... so I'm heading there tonight. With no idea of her topic, but I know that it will not be fun. I think I will need to meet up with friends afterwards for a shot or few.
No really, what? My mother has NEVER asked me for advice in my life. THIS can not be good. Sigh... so I'm heading there tonight. With no idea of her topic, but I know that it will not be fun. I think I will need to meet up with friends afterwards for a shot or few.
Friday, September 09, 2011
Across the pond
I have this crazy fascination with all things British. I wonder if I was born on the other side of the pond, would I have a huge fascination with American things?
Friday, February 04, 2011
This so called Jenga life
Sometimes I miss my life as a recluse. It was extremely lonely, but it was also so simple then. I didn't have to worry about other people's feelings so much. I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted... which let's be honest, was to do absolutely nothing every day. In the past, I called that surviving but not really living.
I think this post is going to end up jumping all around like the posts of old. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head but no systematic way of processing them all. It's like going to Wikipedia and just clicking around at the various links. You never know where you will end up.
Anyway... I think I crave structure. I seem to do better when I have structure in my life. The problem is that I am terrible at creating structure. My subconscious thrives on chaos. This is why I have a hard time staying in relationships. The women I am attracted to are distant, emotionally detached, or codependent. The ones that are stable bore me. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. I have learned this about myself within the last few years, but can't figure out how to change my behavior towards that attraction.
I have a friend that is doing an online journal of sorts. She says her favorite part is making up the title. I can relate with that. Honestly, that has always been my favorite part as well. That's why I always leave it blank until the end. Then I look back at what my topic was during the post and determine an appropriate title. I would imagine this is what book and magazine authors must do as well.
You know, I hear this random buzzing coming from my living room occasionally. I know I'm not crazy and it probably sounds like I'm insane, but it's true. I have been trying to figure it out for a few months now, but I can't determine where it is originating. It may be from my upstairs neighbor or something from my computer desk. It is so short and infrequent that it is hard to pinpoint. I don't know why this popped into my head right now, but it did so I wrote.
I think it's my mind's way of trying to get me off subject. Relationships... they scare the crap out of me. I'm not just talking about long term ones, but even dating. I think because it ends up turning into a long term relationship. Those have not worked out well for me the past few years. Tragically, the women were fine. It was me more than anything. My fear of commitment and not wanting to be tied down. I would bail and run as fast as I could. Before you start thinking of how stereotypical guyish that is, let me explain. Okay, I have no explanation. Other than I just wasn't ready and it didn't feel right. I think I settled more than anything. I just figured it would get better as time went on. I would "fall" in love with that person. You should know from the start, shouldn't you? I feel as if throughout those relationships, a piece of me was pulled out little by little until it all came crumbling down. A good relationship should strengthen you as a person, not tear you down.
Well, that's all I have for now. I have several other thoughts, but I think I'll save those for another time.
I think this post is going to end up jumping all around like the posts of old. I have so many thoughts floating around in my head but no systematic way of processing them all. It's like going to Wikipedia and just clicking around at the various links. You never know where you will end up.
Anyway... I think I crave structure. I seem to do better when I have structure in my life. The problem is that I am terrible at creating structure. My subconscious thrives on chaos. This is why I have a hard time staying in relationships. The women I am attracted to are distant, emotionally detached, or codependent. The ones that are stable bore me. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. I have learned this about myself within the last few years, but can't figure out how to change my behavior towards that attraction.
I have a friend that is doing an online journal of sorts. She says her favorite part is making up the title. I can relate with that. Honestly, that has always been my favorite part as well. That's why I always leave it blank until the end. Then I look back at what my topic was during the post and determine an appropriate title. I would imagine this is what book and magazine authors must do as well.
You know, I hear this random buzzing coming from my living room occasionally. I know I'm not crazy and it probably sounds like I'm insane, but it's true. I have been trying to figure it out for a few months now, but I can't determine where it is originating. It may be from my upstairs neighbor or something from my computer desk. It is so short and infrequent that it is hard to pinpoint. I don't know why this popped into my head right now, but it did so I wrote.
I think it's my mind's way of trying to get me off subject. Relationships... they scare the crap out of me. I'm not just talking about long term ones, but even dating. I think because it ends up turning into a long term relationship. Those have not worked out well for me the past few years. Tragically, the women were fine. It was me more than anything. My fear of commitment and not wanting to be tied down. I would bail and run as fast as I could. Before you start thinking of how stereotypical guyish that is, let me explain. Okay, I have no explanation. Other than I just wasn't ready and it didn't feel right. I think I settled more than anything. I just figured it would get better as time went on. I would "fall" in love with that person. You should know from the start, shouldn't you? I feel as if throughout those relationships, a piece of me was pulled out little by little until it all came crumbling down. A good relationship should strengthen you as a person, not tear you down.
Well, that's all I have for now. I have several other thoughts, but I think I'll save those for another time.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
The beauty of one
Only 14 more days until Valentine's Day. The beauty of being single is not having to worry about this holiday. I suck at preparing for this day for some reason. I guess, deep down inside I feel you shouldn't HAVE to do something that one day if you love someone. You should be doing something EVERY day for that person. Even though I have had women agree with that sentiment in the past, it has never really worked out that way. They always get mad if I don't go all out for them. It's about the image. This is why I'm happy to be single right now.
People are so concerned about their image to their friends and coworkers. What ever happened to just being happy on the inside and it will show on the outside. We are too self conscious as a society. Don't worry... I'm not going to go on some wild ramble right now. Mostly because I'm tired, but I also can't seem to find the right soapbox.
I think I'll call it a night and get some sleep. I've been burning the candle on both ends lately and I know I'll end up sick if I keep going this route.
People are so concerned about their image to their friends and coworkers. What ever happened to just being happy on the inside and it will show on the outside. We are too self conscious as a society. Don't worry... I'm not going to go on some wild ramble right now. Mostly because I'm tired, but I also can't seem to find the right soapbox.
I think I'll call it a night and get some sleep. I've been burning the candle on both ends lately and I know I'll end up sick if I keep going this route.
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