Finally

Yeah!!!

"E" convinced me today to just take the exam and get it over with. Well, I decided to follow her advice. It was extremely difficult and very time consuming. I took three practice tests (2 hours each test) and there were two actual exams. I have been taking tests for the past ten hours. But you know what?

I PASSED!

I am officially SANS GCFA Silver certified. I know it doesn't mean much to most people, but it means a lot to me. It was a tough battle the past week cramming for the exams. Now that it is officially over, nothing left to do but party. Cool, I still have 1.5 hours left of the year. I have so much partying to do in so little time.

The time has come

Well, I guess the time has come to announce my new year's resolutions. I normally don't make resolutions because I know that it doesn't really mean much. It's just a way to make me feel better about "attempting" to change something about myself. It's fine to talk the talk, but it means nothing if you don't walk the walk.

But this year is different. This will be the first time I actually put my resolutions in writing and out there for the world to see no less. So, my thoughts on this have changed. If I place this out for the world to see, perhaps it would encourage me to actually achieve these resolutions next year before 2006 ends. I have also put great thought into my resolutions this year. Since I may actually try to achieve these resolutions, I better make them achievable. Without further ado, here they are (ranked in no particular order).

1) Take a swim class before the summer.
2) Take a Spanish class this year. I know one class is not going to make a world of difference, but it's a start.
3) Learn to play the guitar.
4) Be able to run 26.2 miles by the end of the year. I want to run in the 2007 Houston Marathon.
5) Make three new friends. I have realized the importance of friendship this year. And I mean true friends, not just acquaintances.
6) Read fifteen new books (not computer books). I love to read, but usually do not make the time to read more often.
7) Travel to someplace new this year. It has been a while since I have been somewhere new.
8) Drink more water than caffeinated drinks. This is the one that will be the hardest. Ah, my precious coffee. But if I do this every day, then I know I will have kept my resolution at the end of the year.
9) See at least one play, one symphony, and one opera before the year ends. How else can I grow as an individual?
10) Go camping with my daughter at least twice before the year ends. She enjoyed the camping so much last time. I think this would create wonderful memories for her as she grows older.

I think ten new year's resolutions are enough to keep me growing throughout the year. I have the standard "eat better" or "exercise more" ones as well. But honestly that should be all the time, not just this next year. The obsessive compulsive side of me wanted things I could check off a list or could actually quantify. "Yep, I drank three glasses of water today and only two cups of coffee". I know, I know, it's a little crazy and compulsive, but that's who I am (See "E", we all have a little Monk in us).

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year! Don't drive and drink, oops strike that reverse it. And I'll see everyone on the other side (of the year that is).

Like I didn't know it already

Just how evil are you?

Evil Quiz

The end is nigh

My winter vacation is almost over. It's seems to have gone by so fast. I didn't even get to sit around and watch movies like I had planned last week. This studying crap sucks. Anyway, I kind of feel like that guy in 25th hour. Except that I'm not going to prison and won't have some guy poke me in the booty. And instead of 25 hours, I actually have like three days left. But other than that, it's just like in that movie. I feel as though I don't have enough time left on the clock to appreciate all the things life has left to offer me.

So I will study again today, but will enjoy the weekend with "E". The new year is approaching so fast. Only two days left of this year. I'm actually pretty exited for the new year. With a new year, brings new fortune (and fortune in a karma sense, not in a financial sense).

Round Two

Okay, I'm back at Diedrich's to study some more for this stupid test. I've been here for a little while and for some strange reason I have this need to release a little more information about me. It's like an obsession now.

Some more things about me (unnumbered this time since I don't want them ranked)

- I have always lived with someone for the past 31 years of my life. I just realized eight months ago, that I have never lived by myself. I have lived with my family, girlfriends, or roommates. And you know what? I love living by myself. I thoroughly enjoy the silence now. At first, the silence would kill me. I couldn't stand for my place to be quiet, so I would leave the TV on or the radio playing ALL THE TIME.

- I am of Hispanic heritage, but I don't know Spanish. I took Spanish classes for four years during High School and was pretty proficient at the time, but now not so much. In fact, pretty much not at all. I can understand some, but I can not speak the language at all. I am actually starting to be more ashamed of this fact. I don't want my daughter to grow up without learning a second language. It's not completely my fault though. I lived in a predominately black neighborhood and went to a predominately white church. So I was never around enough Hispanics to encourage me to learn. In the end though, it is my fault because I knew a great deal of Spanish but did not retain it.

- I love to sing, but I have a terrible singing voice. Can you believe that I have never taken a singing lesson in my life? Those who have heard me sing can believe it.

- I consider myself smart, but it took me eight years to get a bachelor's degree. I went to three different universities, had four different majors, and one higher education degree. I think subconsciously, this is part of my fear for getting my masters. If it took me eight years to get a bachelor's degree, how freaking long will it take for me to get a masters?

- I am a left-brain thinker, but I try every day to improve my right-brain side. My ultimate goal is to be a whole brain thinker.

- I like to people watch, but ironically I get nervous when other people watch me.

- I love caffeine (a whole lot) and not imagine a world without coffee, Dr. Pepper, or energy drinks.

Okay, so here is some more information about me. I think this is really more for my reference a year from now. That way I can compare who I am as an individual a year from now.

Leave it to Beaver

I was eating lunch in a bar today and could not believe what I saw. There was this guy (around 21 or 22) in a smoker's jacket with his girlfriend. And what does he pull out? A pipe! He lights it up and starts smoking it like he's from the 50's. I was having flashbacks of the Leave it to Beaver episodes. "Now Wally, (takes a puff of his pipe) make sure you and the Beave don't get into any trouble."

It was a funny sight indeed.

That's Hot

I was told that Paris Hilton is retiring the phrase "That's Hot" this year. The new phrase for next year is "That's sexy". So if she is not going to use that phrase anymore, than I will make it my official phrase for next year. But being Mexican and all (or close enough to it), I will change it to Spanish.

"Es caliente"

Actually, I think that translates to "is hot" and not really "that's hot". I don't know how to say the correct phrase in Spanish, so it will have to do. Kinda funny really. Because that's what they always say at Mexican restaurants when they bring you the food. "Es caliente". They are referring to the plates. Do not touch the plates because they are hot. Who knew, all this time that we had a little bit of Paris in us?

Some Interesting Things (or Not) about Me

I have seen this on so many blogs before. "Top 100 things about me" or even better "99 things about me". What the hell? Are you that lazy that you can't think of one more thing and make it an even 100?

So instead, I will just list some random things about me in no particular order. Hell, I might even make up some stuff just to spice things up.

1.) I saw "Jaws" when I was a very little boy and it scared the crap out of me. I was afraid to even take a bath after that movie.

2.) I don't know how to swim. I just learned how to float on my back a couple of years ago. Oh yeah, and I can dog paddle. I do a mean dog paddle. See #1 as to why I didn't want to get into any form of water (pool, ocean, or river).

3.) I watched my first scary movie when I was five years old and have been hooked ever since.

4.) I had that same clown in "Poltergeist" that attacked the little boy. It scared the living shit out of me after seeing the movie.

5.) I have had paranormal experiences in my life (involving ghosts).

6.) I want to travel the world, but have only been to various places in North America and South America.

7.) I am afraid that I will not be a good dad at times.

8.) I am addicted to DVD movies. I currently own well over 300 movies and counting.

9.) I did not like computers until my sophomore year of college. I was always good with them, I just never understood the fascination with them. Now, I could not imagine my life without one.

10.) I was a hopeless romantic in the past. I want to believe in "happily ever after", but life has jaded my view on that topic. With all that has happened in my life lately, I'm more paranoid than normal. Hopefully, I will become a romantic fool again.

This is just a small glimpse of my psyche. I am a complex person (or I would like to believe I am) that is always changing. I think I will list more things about me in the future. To truly know who you are as a person, you need to not hide anything from anyone. I still have a lot of things deep down inside that not many people have seen. Perhaps one day, I will let the rest of the world learn who I really am.

Almost forgot, I was lying about the "make up some stuff" part. All of the above items are true.

I have smelled death and survived

I am currently at a coffee shop studying for a certification exam that I have to take next week. I have been cramming the past week to ensure that I pass this test. What the hell where they thinking? Giving me six whole months to take this test. Yeah right, like I'm not going to procrastinate and cram for the exam the week prior to the deadline.

Anyway, this is neither here nor there. The real reason for my pause in studying and updating this entry is the smell in here. My nose is permanently damaged I think. There was this guy in here that had BO worse than anything I have ever smelled in my life. I'm seriously scared that the smell is stuck on me and I will have to take a tomato bath to get the smell off of me. I was dipping my nose in my scalding coffee hoping that it would burn off my smell glands and not allow me to smell that wretched stench. I was even worse because he kept walking around the coffee shop. The movement caused the air to shift and holy hell the smell walked up to my face and bitch slapped me. It took everything I had in me to keep from throwing up.

Let me tell you how bad it was. I once witnessed an actual autopsy of two bodies and the smell of the autopsy was no where even close to the smell that clung to this place. The scariest part....

He left an hour ago and I don't smell the BO anymore, but I'm afraid that my nose has just gotten used to the smell. So the stench me actually still be here, but my nose is defective now and can't smell it anymore. Then it will linger on me and as I go around in public, people will think that I am the one with the BO. And no one will tell me. Similar to the way no one told that guy that he smelt like billy goat feces on a hot ass day.

Not bad, but it could use some salt

I was checking my e-mail this morning and ran across this article.

****************************************
A Missouri woman rang in the holidays Friday by swallowing a cell phone.

Police in Blue Springs said they received a call Friday from a man who said his girlfriend was having trouble breathing after she swallowed a cell phone. The two had been arguing about the phone, which ended up being lodged in her throat.

Police said the woman, who wasn'’t identified, was taken by ambulance to St. Mary'’s Medical Center.

Later, police indicated the woman may not have swallowed the phone but may have been the victim of an assault in which the phone ended up lodged in her throat. The Associated Press reported that the police declined to reveal the details of the incident.
****************************************

Now, that's either one small ass cell phone or one big mouthed woman. I bet she's popular with the fellows.

Cronic (What!)cles of Narnia

It's all about the Hamiltons baby!

Mexican Soaps

Is it me, is life turning into a Mexican soap opera? I love watching me some mexican soaps...

Rico: Ah, my beautiful darling, your eyes are like dark pools of ecstasy that make me want to dive into them.
Conchita Maria Consuela Davina (You know we mexicans can't have a simple name): Yes, Rico. Tell me more.

Anyway, back to my point before I go off on another tangent. This year has been an extremely interesting year. We started out with a tsunami. Michael Jackson is allowed to touch little boys and get away with it. Then there was a bunch of other stuff. Then there was hurricane katrina. And then there was hurricane rita. Then there was a bunch of greek hurricanes. And now this.

I feel an Armageddon coming on...
Party at my house after the rapture. Bring some food and i'll provide the alcohol.

Look at me jump

Ha ha, I forgot that the stupid spell checker wasn't working for this site earlier. I kept trying to use it and it would give me html code instead of actually spell checking. I happened to check my site just now and realized that I totally misspelled the word "leper" as "leaper".

So I announced to the world that, "I'm a walking jumper" earlier. I'm such a dork. Lord knows what else I mispelled earlier as well. I am a terrible speller. I would be so screwed if it weren't for those damn spell checkers.

(What the Hell! The stupid java spell checking software is still not working on my laptop)
Wouldn't it be ironic if this post about misspelling contained numerous misspellings in it.

Christmas Dinner

I have to say that last night was not that bad. We had a nice homecooked meal (pot roast, homemade mashed potatoes, and asparagus). The interesting part was the after dinner conversation. We discussed the flesh eating bacteria, avian flu, strep throat, and chicken pocs. Did I mention that my aunt (the nurse) was joining us for dinner? That would explain the topics of conversation.

I know that I am a slight hypocondriac, but those conversations from last night could turn me into a full blown sicko. So now, whenever I get a cut, I'm afraid that the flesh eating bacteria is gnawing away at my flesh. I'm a walking leaper.

Good god, help me now!

ADA

In case you didn't know, I love Apple products. I have been a convert for about a year now and would never go back.

Once you go Mac, you never go back.

In fact, all my blogging is usually done on my 15" powerbook. I love this thing. So I have decided to pass on this great knowledge to my daughter early. I bought her a iPod shuffle for Christmas. She loves the thing. I even got her a iTunes music card so she could download some songs for her iPod. We spent yesterday morning downloading her favorite songs and loading them onto her new shuffle.

Hahahahaha (Insert wicked laugh here)

Soon, we shall help Apple take over the world. Well, not really. They have a long, long, long way to go before anything like that can happen. But I did come up with a new idea that may help Apple get there. Are you ready for this?

It's an Apple PDA or Apple digital assistant to be exact (ADA). It would have the OS X operating system on it (slimed down of course) and would have all the applications (Mail, Safari, Preview, Address Book, Keychain). It would sync with your .Mac account and could sychronize with your desktop as well. The best part; it would be perl white like the iPod. I've got a million ideas for this thing.

I love Rock and Roll

So, I just spent the last three hours at my aunt's house for Christmas. Oh boy. Can't hold in the excitement. (Sarcasm for those who can't pick that out).

Actually, it was not that bad. We sat and ate. We discussed the whole Hurricane Katrina thing and how it affected the people who migrated to Houston.
(Side note of discussion here. When will these types of discussions end? I feel terrible for the people who were displaced because of the hurricane. I know it was a tragic event in history. But damn, I am so tired of hearing the discussions about these people. It happened. Let's move on now.)

Okay, sorry about that. I had to get that out of my system. Back to the topic at hand. So we ate and discussed. We discussed and we ate. Then the fun part started. My cousin has this new karaoke game for her playstation 2. I can not believe how funny it was sitting there listening to everyone sing. The game is kind of hard at times because you not only sing, but you have to hit the note just right and for the correct length. If not, you lose points and could get boo'd off the stage (which happened to my dad). It was funny and nice to have the family get together for a few hours.

My song? I love rock and roll (by Joan Jett). Do you want to know how I did?

I ROCKED!!!

I even hit those nasty high notes at the end of the song. And that damn song keeps repeating the same verse at the end. Over and over and over again. I was running out of breath by the end of the song. But I did it. I got a platinum record in fact. Something like 34,000 points. Not bad for my first time on the game.

Anyway, I'm off to my parent's house later tonight for a x-mas dinner and well see what happens over there.

Merry b-mas

I have always wondered why the hell is x-mas short for christmas. I have had some people explain that it is a cross tilted 45 degrees and it represents Christ. Therefore, it is short for christmas. Stretching it a little, don't you think?

My theory. It a conspiracy by the big businesses to encourage us to buy more products. See, first we had everything Christmassy and was content with our belongings. Then they slip this x-mas stuff out there. All of our christmas stuff is now obsolete. We must now purchase merry x-mas stuff. Then, people get tired of the whole x-mas thing and go out to buy more christmas stuff again. Don't you people see how much control the MAN has over us? Are we all a bunch of lemmings that follow whatever commercialism encourages us to purchase?

I think we should boycott Christmas. Instead of white lights on houses next year, we should hang up black lights. An anti-christmas if you will. And then we can call it b-mas (since the letter "b" is far away from the letter "x" on the alphabet. Also it could stand for boycott). All the decorations would be black. Sounds kinda cool and anti-social. We could have the goth people led the revolution.

Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse

Except for all the coughing and nose blowing going on between my daughter and "E". It sounds like a phlegm war going on in here. And you know who the loser is?

ME (I'm the collateral damage in this war). Snot flying everywhere. Germs as far as the eye can see.

Medic... get this man some tissue.

Living Life in Danger

As I mentioned before, "E" has had the flu the past week. I have pretty much avoided all physical contact with her since she caught the bug. This was for everyone's safety. I have seen it happen too many times. She gets sick, then I get sick, then she gets sick again from me. The flu strain mutates when it reaches the other person and the original person gets the new strain again. Nope, not me. I plan on being healthy during the holidays.

Liar, Liar, pants on fire.

Here I am right now typing from "E"'s computer. I spent the night last night over here and I am totally at risk. I have taken my "Airborne" stuff, but I'm not really sure it will be enough. But I don't care. I miss spending time with her and I am willing to catch her icky cooties if it means I get to see her during the holidays.

I am not a fool though. I will continue to take my medicine and will pump up my Vitamin C count to 5,000mg a day. I read somewhere that you shouldn't take more than 3,000mg of Vitamin C at a time because our body only absorbs that much. Anything greater and it will just be wasted. So I plan on breaking up my 5,000mg into two batches. I have my morning meds and my evening meds. My oh my, I'm such a hypocrondriac some times.

But this paranoia comes in handy. Last week "E" and I were at a party (before she got the flu). I arrived before she did and noticed that my sister was sick at the party. I avoided her like the plague and called "E" to tell her to bring the Airborne stuff with her. She brought it and then she was making fun of me for taking the stuff. She was calling me a hypocrondriac and teasing me. Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone gets sick. Who's laughing now? I can only say this because she knows its the truth. She has even admitted it.

This only strengthens my belief in my paranoia. Now where's my tin-foil beanie? I hear the silent black helicopters now recording my keystrokes.

Help Me, Help Me Now!!!

So, remember the time I told you that I was in this blogpression and now I'm out of it? Well, It appears that I have swung 180 degrees and I am way to into it. Not my blogging so much, but viewing other blogs. I just can't get enough of them lately. I have even resorted to hitting the "Next blog" button in the top right corner of the screen. I have come across so many interesting sites. It's pathetic really. I feel as if I am living vicariously through these other people's lives.

Hold on, I need a second (hanging head in shame).

Okay, so now that I got this off my chest, what do I do next? Do I stay locked up in my place constantly surfing the 'net' looking for the next great blog site? Or do I face civilization and socialize with other people? Decisions, Decisions...

Well, I'm not quite sure yet. This is just like me. All or nothing. No gray area for sure. This is definitely one of my flaws. I go full force into things and then when they don't work out. I just chalk it up to circumstance and go about my business. Why can't I be like other normal people and casually enjoy the blogging of others and then resume my normal social life. No... I have never been normal.

I used to cherish the fact that I was always different than everyone else around me. I was always the one to stand up in class and make a fool of myself because I just didn't care what other people thought of me. Now that I'm older, It just seems so tiring at times to be different. It is definitely so much easier to be like everyone else and just fit in. But that seems so boring to me.

I know this is going all over the place with no point what so ever, but hear me out for just a little while longer. Or not, to be honest, I really wouldn't know if you didn't fully read this posting. Huh, that's a strange thought. What if people don't fully read my posts? What if they read the first few lines and think, "This is crap. I'm not going to read anymore of this." Now that could make a person paranoid for sure. Or in my case, even more paranoid.

If you haven't noticed by now, I am full of crap most of the time. Sometimes my crap makes sense and helps others. Most of the time it is just crap. Right then...

So I guess my posts makes utterly no sense now and now comes the awkward silence part of the conversation. You know that silence. Well, I guess I must be going now. Perhaps I will find my mind somewhere between now and the next posting.

Germophobia

I have been surrounded by germs lately. There all around me I tell ya...
Let's see. First my sister was sick and I went over there this weekend. Then my daughter was sick and she is with me this week. And now "E" has the flu. I just can't get away from the germs. I have been slamming back Vitamin C like its going out of style. I have also been taking the anti-sickness stuff "Airborne". I looks like it has been working, because I haven't caught anything yet. I have seriously contemplated buying one of those "germ" suits they wear in the movies. I wouldn't mind wearing the suit in public. The problem lies in the fact that the suits are always white. And duh, you can't wear white after labor day.

Tis the Season

I must be crazy (If I only had a nickel for everytime I said that...)

I faced the horrible mall crowd yesterday to buy my last minute Christmas presents. I wish we were atheist, so we did not have to buy Christmas presents. Well, that's not entirely true. I just wish everyone else was atheist so I wouldn't have to buy them presents, but I am Christian so everyone would still have to buy me presents.

Isn't it funny how I end up being religious when it benefits me? I normally can't stand religion, but Christmas is something different. I know, I know... It's about the birth of Jesus and not the presents. Whatever...

It's about the presents and whoever disagrees with me is lying. If not, then why is there such a mad rush at the malls during Christmas? The crowds totally sucked and the parking (oh my gawd don't get me started with the parking).

I know I haven't been posting lately, but in my defense I'm just lazy. I have been off of work since last Friday and have been pretty lazy lately. Except for the shopping lately, I haven't left the house that much. This is about the only good thing about working for a community college. We get two weeks off every year during this time. I have my daughter this week, but next week I will be flying solo during the week.

So you know what that means? Next week I'm laying around in my underwear on the sofa watching movies all week long. I'll grab a bag of Cheetos and some beer. And I'll have to be pried off of the couch when the new year starts. Then the exercise will start after the new year. Ah hell, who am I kidding. I'll be happy as long as I don't blow up and gain 50 pounds. Gotta love yourself for who you are...

Stir Crazy

Ever been around someone a little bit too long? Enough to drive you stir crazy. Or just flat out insane.

I think that is happening to me and "E" lately. I have stayed over at her place for the past week now and we are going insane. It's kind of a catch-22 because I am over here for her security (explain the situation later) and I think I need someone here to protect me. If I stay any longer, I'm afraid she is going to kill ME...

Well, not really kill me, but she is getting a little pissy because of me. Women and their mood swings... What is a guy to do?

In all fairness, I have been around a lot lately and I can also feel a little smothered by the situation. We definitely need some space apart real soon.

Anyway, thought I share this with the world for some reason...

Scientific Test

Do you want to know my scientific process for verifying the weather is cold? Well I'll tell you, but you must keep it a secret. I wouldn't want everyone in the world using my test. Who knows? Maybe I'll apply for a patent as an official weather testing tool.

Anyway, here is the formula for my test.

(((x1+x2)/2),((y1+y2)/2))

So the test goes like this...You go outside. You there yet? And then (now here's the secret part) you blow out of your mouth. If you can see your breath, It's freaking cold. That's it. That's my scientific test to determine if it is cold outside.

I was outside this morning and it was freaking cold. Oh yeah, about that formula. I lied. That's the formula to find a midpoint of a line segment. Don't know why I lied. I guess I feel in order for something to seem officially scientific it needs to be backed up by some formula.

I'm such a dork sometimes. And by dork I mean... no wait a minute... I do mean dork this time. And by sometimes I mean "all the time".

Blogpression

I'm back.

Well, actually I never really went anywhere. Not in a physical sense, but I was out in a mental way (of course, I've been mentally out for a long long time now). I think I'm ready to start blogging again. To tell you the truth, I don't know why I stopped blogging. I just didn't feel like it for a while. It's strange... It was like I was going through some kind of blog depression (Blogpression if you will). I wonder if anyone else has gone through something similar. And it wasn't just my lack of blogging on my own site, but I didn't read many blogs during this time either. Strange indeed.

I used to read an average of seven different blogs daily and would try to post to my own blog every day. During the past month, I didn't follow the same pattern. It's not like I wasn't on the computer. Hell, I use the computer every day and I am on the Internet practically every day. I was kind of burned out.

Anyway, enough of my own issues. I really don't have much to post yet. Actually, I have a lot to post but I haven't decided what to post online yet. I had several things running through my head over the past month. I was like, "damn that would be an interesting topic to post online", but I never got around to it.

So, here I am again just in time for the holidays. With a family like mine, I should definitely have a lot to post about in the next few weeks.

On a side note, I wonder if anyone has ever been to the doctor of blogpression. "Doc, I just don't get it. One day I'm happily posting away and the next I'm not." Maybe he would give me some really cool "happy" pills. Man, I could use some "happy" pills right now. I don't know why I'm lying. To tell you the truth, I have been really happy lately. A little too happy. Ok, now I'm rambling again. Damn it, I hate it when I ramble....

Lapse of Time

Well, It's been a while since I have posted anything to this site. Actually, It's been quite some time. I usually try to post something here every day. "Try" being the key word there.

But I have a good reason for not posting lately. I just don't feel like it.

Kind of strange, but it is true. You see, I have been truly questioning myself regarding what I have been posting on this site. You know how I posted the thought of other people who personally know me affecting my postings? Well I thought that was not happening, but now I wonder if it was occurring.

"E" and I were talking about this subject a while back (actually the day I stopped posting to be exact) and she thought that my postings started to change once she knew about my site. I called her "crazy" (not really, but did disagree with her) and went about my merry way. But then it slowly started to creep into my head.

"Am I filtering my postings knowing that she is reading my site?"

I really don't think I am, but damn it, now I'm second guessing myself. I want to make sure that I am not being affected by other people's opinions of me during my posts. I know this is my site and I can post whatever the hell I want to post, but it all seems so fake at times. I love to read other people's blogs when they are so real and intimate. That is the goal of my blog. For other people to see the dark and real side of me. I do not want to hold anything back.

So the question remains, have I been doing that lately?

When I created this site, I feel I was as vulnerable as I could be and expressed myself in that manner. Now I'm not so sure. It is almost as if I have sold out lately and gone commercial. This is not the kind of information I wanted my site to be composed of (yep, ended it with a preposition just for the hell of it).

Lost my thoughts on this are for sure (Channeling Yoda in my mind).

Song for a Friend

Jason Mraz is coming to Houston Nov. 29, 2005. I'm hyped that I get to see him live in concert. His lyrics are very impressive and once again why try to put into words what he has beautifully done in music.

Let's say take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me
And I got you
You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend
Your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love
I will always love you
Yes you

Love of a Friend

You know, as a guy it's hard for me to tell people "I love you." Growing up, that phrase was not heard but there was a silent understanding that my family loved me. To change that pattern, I make sure that I constantly tell my daughter that I love her and she will not have to grow up with the same type of emotional baggage that I carry. I know that I am not perfect and I probably will give her some other type of emotional baggage to carry in her life, but it won't be the same type as mine. That's the best I can do as a father (try to give her a better life than I had).

I got a little side tracked there. Anyway, I have been able to tell other people in my life that I loved them. And at that time I did love them so I used the term appropriately. But the people that truly matter to me I have not told as frequently how much they mean to me. I do not have a whole lot of "close" friends in my life. I have always been extremely guarded and not let people get too close to me emotionally. Unfortunately, this creates a gap in my life that does not allow people to get too close to me. Therefore, they can not be close friends. I have a lot of acquaintances, but they do not know much about my personal life.

So for the few people out there that are my close friends (and they know who they are), I just wanted to say, "Thanks and I love you." Not the same type of phrase that was on Starved, but the real deal. Without these people in my life, I would not be were I am today. They helped me through some hard times in my life. Life has its ups and downs and they have been there with me through both. Hopefully they will be with me for a long time to go through more of my future life cycles.

Discovery of Faith

Those that know me or have been reading my site for a while know that I do not have a high regard for organized religion. I have always thought of myself has having lost my "faith". Let's flash back to my childhood shall we?

***Flashing back now***

The story begins with a child raised in a strong Catholic household. The child is forced to go to mass every Sunday since he could remember. Eventually the child just attended these events without even thinking why he was going to church. He went so often that it was just natural. Sort of like an abused housewife that knows no other life so doesn't think twice about the abuse. This was my life. We always went to church so it was just the way things were around my household. My parents were both extremely active in the church and pressed this influence on me. So off I went to do the churchly duties. I was an alter boy (never touched that I can remember) and I was a lecturer (read the bible during mass). I even went "all the way" and was confirmed in the church. For all those non-Catholics out there its equivalent to making Eagle scout for the boy scouts. I was also part of the youth group there. I had plenty of friends there in the church, but we all were in a similar situation. I really don't think anyone there knew why they attended church.

***Flashing forward to present times now***

I just went to a wedding this weekend at my old church. The couple getting married are both extremely active in the church. At the wedding I saw several of these old friends. They were still attending the same church and still somewhat active in the church. Which got me thinking. If I never left for college and experienced religious life other than the catholic religion, I may have still been involved with the Catholic religion like them. I am proud of my openminded thinking and cherish the fact that I did experience other forms of religion (albeit short experiences). I still have a negative feeling regarding organized religions. I think they have this ability to brainwash the masses using fear and naiveness. I hold off on my soapbox for the moment and reserve that for another post.

Okay, so to make a long story short (I know, I know, to late). I always thought of myself as having no faith. You know, no faith in religion. So whenever anyone asked me, "Do you have any faith?". I've always answered "no". As I was laying in bed this morning I realized that I do have a form of faith. It's just not based on religion. I have faith in science. I know it sounds weird but let's look at this a little more deeper.

Faith can be defined as, "Complete trust or confidence in someone or something."

Okay, so I know I don't trust religion. So I have no faith in religion, but I do trust science. I can't explain in detail why my computer works at the molecule level (Well, after some googling I'm sure I could tell you). That's not important. What is important is that I have faith that whatever people smarter than me tell me about science, I blindly believe. I have faith that their intelligence is correct on the matter. Now I don't go believing in everything anyone tells me, but some things I just take for granted as true. Do we really know why the Earth circles the sun? Aren't these man-made rules we live our life by? Physics in a man made set of rules that we created to help us explain scientific discoveries. Would it not be possible for man to bend these rules since we created them? Anyway, my faith in science is what keeps me going. I know it's not much, but it's all I've got right now.

Greatness

I had this thought that occurred yesterday.

Greatness is achieved not given.

I have always thought that I would be this great world leader some day. You know, run some grand corporation and control the world. Blah, Blah, Blah. I always knew this was my destiny, but I didn't know when it would occur. I would just sit back and wait for destiny to unfold. What a crock of bullshit.

Destiny will never come and hand deliver the world to my lap. In order for me to be great, I must act. I must be a full participant in this thing called life. I know these thoughts seem a little grandiose, but I feel strongly about them. I am tired of sitting here and blaming everything around me for my current situation in life. Not that I'm complaining about my current life, because it is actually going extremely well. I just want more. I always want more.

This could be taken in two ways.

1. I am never satisfied and will never be satisfied. Damn that White Whale.
2. I am ambitious and will go far in life.

As much as I like playing with my spear and chasing tail, I think I'll have to consider myself an option 2 kind of guy.
So, with that I think I'll start taking back control of my life and quit letting destiny lead me in the wrong direction. Where is all of this coming from? Well, lately I have lost a lot of desire to do things to better my life. I have plenty of new things to advance myself in my career and I have lots of things to learn personally. For some reason, I have not had the desire to achieve these things. That will all change today.

"What are we going to do tonight Brain?"
"The same thing we do every night Pinky; try to take over the world."

Junior Bear

Do you remember that cartoon with the three bears (momma bear, papa bear, and big ass baby bear)? The baby bear wanted so bad to just be a kid, but he wasn't aware of his big size and would break everything. He would also constantly hurt his father because he just didn't know his own strength. Well, I am that baby bear.

I have come to the realization lately that I have no agility what-so-ever. I just tried to open a bottle of water and to make a long story short. I am still cleaning the water off of my cubicle. There is water on the side walls, on my keyboard, on my chair and all over the floor. And I have noticed that I am like that all the time. I'm not saying that I am this powerful guy that can't control my own strength (truth be known, I'm far from that), but I must have less nerve endings in my extremities than normal people. I just can't seem to know when to stop using force. It's like using a shotgun to kill a roach. Yes the roach is dead, but so is everything else twenty feet around it. This is my life. Yes the bottle of water is open, but I lost 1/3 of the water all over the place.

I don't know why I share this kind of stuff out there. You would think that I would be smarter and not share this information. I think it's some form of warning to those who know me. That way, if you are ever around me and see me stumbling around and knocking things over, I may not be drunk. Well, 90% of the time I probably am drunk, but the other 10% is caused by my clumsiness.

(On a side note, I think I'm feeling comma crazy today. What's with all of the commas all over the place?)

The Man

Okay, I've calmed down some since the last posting and will try this again.

I have this weird fascination about fighting "The Man". I have been constantly fightin with him for a while now. It's kind of funny because I argue with my father about him being part of the man and he is proud to be part of the man. So I tell him how I'm going to take him down and then ask to borrow money from him. See, that's part of my plan because I won't pay him back. That way I'm stickin it to the man (actually this is not true). I do try to stick it to the man whenever possible.

It's kind of funny because "E" is also part of the man. Isn't that funny how women can be part of the man as well. I guess once you reach that status, you end up with the status of "the man". I constantly tease her about being part of the man, but she disagrees with me. She does not think she is part of the man. Of course that's what they all think. That's the worst part, they don't even realize they are the man until it's too late. Then, BAM... they put a smack down on the little people and realize they are the man.

I even have my daughter fightin the man. I tell her, "Who are we stickin it to?" and she says, "The Man". I even gave her several examples of who "the man" is. That way, when people ask her who the man is, she can give them examples. This is the best part of having kids. You can influence them to serve your greater purpose (Bringing down the man).

I don't know why exactly I started thinking about this topic today. I think it started when I remembered that phone commercial playing right now. Where there is the older executive guy sticking it to the man. And then his assistant says, "But sir, you are the man. Aren't you sticking it to yourself?" And he says, "Maybe" or something like that. I find that commercial pretty hilarious.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no socialist or communist. I am a firm believer in capitalism. It's just that if I came across some large sum of money some day, I would do it differently. I know, I know... everyone says that. But I would. I would still shop at Target (not Wal-mart. I hate Wal-mart). And I would still drive my Nissan Xterra (even the same model I have. I can't stand the new models). I would just have more money to buy more things like Apple products or electronics. And don't get me started on the whole Microsoft / PC thing. I can't stand them and they definitely personify the man as good as anything else.

Okay, enough of my ramblings today. I had a whole lot more earlier so I guess you will have to get the shorter version today. I know I'm rambling now, as usual. All the voices in my head are screaming at me to stop. I have decided to name my voices the committee. I like that. "The committee". Actually, I think I saw that somewhere else and decided to steal that line. Anyway, it doesn't matter because the committee has unanimously decided to adjourn for the day.

Peace, love, and happiness...
And don't forget. Every time you stick it to the man, an angel gets his wings....

WTF

I was working on a post just now and you know what the worst possible thing could happen?

You could have some webpage screw with your browser and lose all of the work you just did.

I had a rather lengthy post that I was about to upload, when it all went bye bye. I am feeling rather pissy about it now. I don't know if I should try to remember everything and repost it, or just not give a crap and say, "screw it all". Don't know, well see what happens.

Damn you web browser...

Obsession

You know, I seem to have this obsession to want to post something daily even if I can't figure out what to say. Is this healthy? I think that maybe this site takes too much of my time and distracts me from other things in my life. If I'm not thinking about what to post, I'm looking at my statistics of the site.

Good Lord, what has happened to me?

I do this quite often whenever I start something new in my life. For example, I just got a TIVO earlier this summer and was totally addicted. I would sit there for hours at a time and watch TV. Before I got the thing, I would watch maybe an hour of TV a day (if that). When I first got the thing, I was watching around six hours a day (at least) of TV. I have since dropped down to about two hours a day. But that is still pretty irritating. I have around six half read books and can not finish them because I need to have my TIVO time. This addiction will be the death of me. One day, my place will smell like cat ass and someone will have to break down my door to find my dead ass stuck on the couch with the TIVO remote in my hand.

I must get away from this madness. I have tried to stay away from my blog, but it's kinda therapeutic in a way to post my thoughts. Sometimes, I just want to get some of this madness out of my head and let other people hold onto these crazy thoughts for a while.

Wouldn't that be a cool pet? "Own your very own Crazy Thought". Kind of like a pet rock, but crazier...

Oh well, some may be wondering where the hell this idea came from. Some may not give a rat's ass. The thought occurred to me this morning while I was driving into work. I added a post yesterday regarding my ability to not have any ideas about what to post. What the hell was that about? I must be getting desperate just to put something down.

Believe me. There are many things in this life of mine to be desperate about, but this site should not be one of them. Well, that's all I have to say about that...

Nada

Yep, no thoughts today.
Empty void in my head right now.

The only thing that popped into my head today was the fact of how fast this year has passed.
We are already in November and it seems like the year just started.

Am I getting old or what?
I feel so senile all of a sudden.

In Between Years

What is happening to me? I think I have been abducted by aliens and they implanted a different brain in me. I can not believe I am posting for the third time today. I just have this need to express myself I guess.

I made this discovery yesterday and found it quite amusing. What's in a person's age?

I just came out of a relationship with a younger person and noticed that I was always the oldest person in the group when we went out with her friends. And it was even worse because she would hang out with people that were younger than her. I would definitely start to feel my age and just didn't feel like I fit in at times.

Fast forward to the present and I am dating a woman older than me (older sounds so crude... maybe I should say "more experienced in life"). Anyway, she is an attractive woman and looks much younger than her age (Not that there is anything wrong with her age). I noticed that now I am the youngest person when I am out with her friends. I have flip flopped for sure. It's kinda funny and I didn't even realize it until yesterday.

Are all the people my age not on this planet? I find this kind of troubling at times. Why is it that I am always around people either younger than me or older than me? It definitely feels like the "In Between" years. I am in between everyone else's age groups. Maybe people my age don't exist? Twilight zone scenario for sure.

I know it's a stupid thought. But it's still kinda freaky when you think about it.

Purpose of Site

I was wandering about the web today and this thought occurred to me...

Does my site have a purpose?

I often view other blogs and notice that I particular like sites that are really about nothing. Seinfeldish in a way. "It's a blog about nothing." Hell, I even make up words from time to time (Seinfeldish being one of them). It's these sites that are so raw and real. The person places his / her thoughts out for the world to view and allow us to judge them accordingly. I think this is the purpose of my site. Or at least, the reason of the day. I may choose a different reason tomorrow, but I think this is why I post to this site.

I have noticed that some people visit this site and go about their business. But some people, view multiple pages of my site. I don't
know for sure what that means, but I do know that I have expressed my thoughts to these people and perhaps they want to know just a little bit more about me.

I have always thought of my life as a car crash. It's a terrible thing to witness, but for some strange reason you just can't look away. By no means is my life overly exciting that others wish to be me, but it isn't exactly sitting at home alone twiddling my thumbs (sometimes it is... but who doesn't like to twiddle their thumbs... come on now). And even when I am twiddling, I like to mix it up a bit... left over right... pause... right over left... you just never know how I might twiddle.

Okay, so know I'm rambling again. I would apologize, but it happens so often that I would be apologizing all the time. Hell, I'm rambling about my apology.

Anyway... I don't know why I post to this site. I like expressing little glimpses of my life on this majestic medium called the Internet (heh heh... "majestic medium"... nice alliteration I might add).

So this posting is for me. "Clap". Just giving myself a high five. I'm such a dork.

So Very Confused

Why is it that I get an extra hour of sleep, but I am actually more tired today than I was before the time change? I am in desperate need of caffeine. Oohh, the small space underneath my desk is looking mighty cozy right now. I want to just crawl under there and take a quick five hour nap...

The Next Step

When a person goes through a traumatic event in their life they go through five different stages.

DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE

Wednesday night I went through the denial stage. I just couldn't believe the Astros were not going to be playing anymore this season. Surely, something would happen and by some miracle we would be playing ONE more game.

Then yesterday came the anger stage. I was pissed that they lost game 4 and I couldn't go to game 5. I was extremely upset and questioned every decision they made.

I never really went through the bargaining stage. If it did occur, I was not aware of it.

I definitely went into a mini-depression stage last night. I couldn't believe they got swept. I didn't mind losing the World Series so much. But to be swept in the World Series, that was very depressing.

I think I am in the acceptance stage now. I think the season was a hell of a season. I am very proud of the Astros for what they have accomplished this season. Hell, to make it to the World Series is a fine accomplishment in itself. I will proudly wear my Astros gear throughout the year. In fact, "E" just bought a black World Series 05 Astros cap for me today. I will proudly wear this cap this weekend to show my strong support for the Astros.

So now what? Well, my next step is going to be supporting my other favorite Houston team. The Rockets.

I have already been to a preseason game this past Sunday and I hope to make it to several of their other games this season. I think we have a good strong team this year and we should not have any problems making it to the playoffs again this year. Thank god we have such good baseball and basketball teams in this city. Now, if we could only work on our football team...

How to Slowly Kill Me

Give me a World Series ticket for Game 5 earlier this week and then have the Astros get swept to not allow a Game 5. I am literally holding the ticket right now and there is nothing I can do with it. It looks mighty nice and all...

How often do you get a chance to see a World Series game in person? I guess not to often.

Just one game was all I was asking for. I didn't want to be greedy. Just win one game and let me see them in person.

Oh mighty baseball gods, why do you mock me so?

Funny Bunny

These are hillarious. Check em out.
30-Second Bunnies

Drinking for the Bravehearted

I was hesitant to add this entry today regarding yesterday's game. In fact, I just wanted to forget it even happened and move on with the day. Fresh start so to speak. But no matter how much I drank last night (and I drank a lot), I couldn't seem to get the game out of my head. They were so close... What happened Oswalt in the 5th inning? And then to come back in the sixth and pitch like the Oswalt of old was confusing. And don't even get me started on Astacio... Garner, why didn't you put in Wandy instead?

Ooohhh... My head is still feeling the effects of my drinking from last night. You see what's happening don't you? The Astros are turning me into an alcoholic. I have to drink just to get the pain out of my head. It's either that or I poke out my eyes with an ice pick to keep the images from my brain.

Oh baseball gods, why have you forsaken me?

But I am a faithful fan non the less, so I will pull a Patsy Cline and stand by my man (men?). Oh crap, you get the picture...

I will not second guess Garner's decisions in the game. Hell, he got us to the World Series when no one else could. I just wish it made some kind of sense sometimes.

The eternal optimist in my wants to believe that we can still win four games in a row and win it all. Screw the statistics and history books. We have been defying the odds all season long. Hell, once again we weren't even supposed to be in the World Series. But I am truly a pessimist at heart. So all I really want is to not be swept in the World Series.

Come on Astros... Go out fighting. Swing for the fences and let's show 'em what were made of (I imagine painted faces at this point with a strong Scottish accent. My character will be portrayed by Mel Gibson).

Your gonna make me say this...

Okay, I'm tired of hearing all of the crap lately. I haven't mentioned the Astros in a while because I didn't want to jinx them. I even trimmed my goatee for the change similar to the Astros trimming their beards into goatees. This series is far from over and playing in Houston is completely different than playing in Chicago. I am a true fan.

So this is for all the fair-weather fans out there.

SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT BRAD LIDGE.

He is one of the main reasons we made it to the playoffs in the first place. Yes, the two home-run incidents were unfortunate, but I do believe them when they say they would give the ball to him again if the situation comes up. He is our best closer and a hell of a pitcher. I think the weather got the best of him the last game (Honestly, can anyone say that they would not be affected by rain and freaking cold-ass wind). Our boys are from Houston and we are not used to weather being below 60 degrees here.

Anyway, I hope the situation comes up again so we can put Lidge back on the mound. Then maybe these naysayers would shut the hell up and follow some other team. They don't deserve to be called Astro fans and we sure as hell don't want them following our team.

Dammit, look at what you made me do. I was trying to be all nice like and they had to bring it out of me.

Pumpkin Carving

This past weekend my daughter and I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. It was pretty cool, but of course we had to pick a pretty hard pattern to use for the pumpkin. There were several close calls, but the end result was pretty cool. I thought for sure we would have "the great pumpkin tragedy" of 2005, but two hours later we had a perfectly carved pumpkin. This has been a tradition for my daughter and I over the past three years. I think she really enjoys the carving and hopefully this will be another memory to add to her "old man" memories.

The part my daughter likes the most is pulling out the seeds and we usually bake them as a special treat. This year the pumpkin we picked was really freaky. It was sorta dried out and we discovered the seeds were sprouting inside the pumpkin. The picture above shows how long some of the sprouts grew. It appears around four of five inches on one of the sprouts. We decided that this year we should hold off on the seed baking. Freaky stuff indeed.

On a side note totally unrelated to pumpkin carving...

Do you think stupid people realize they are stupid? Why is it that everyone thinks they are intelligent when they are obviously not intelligent at all? I met some people lately that thought they were extremely smart (not somewhat smart, but genius intelligence). In reality, they were dumb as dirt. Not that I am Mensa material, but I am somewhat intelligent. I truly believe these people thought they were smarter than me.

Hold on... maybe I am one of these people that think they are smart when they really are not. Wouldn't that be ironic if I am creating this post about these type of people and I am actually one of these people? Oh man, my head is starting to hurt.

Puppy Sitting Be Me

I have taken on a new side job starting yesterday. I have added puppy sitting to my repertoire. This morning "E" had a 25K trail run up in Huntsville (88 miles from her place), so I volunteered to watch her 11 week old Boston Terrier puppy. This allowed her to get some rest and leave early in the morning. So last night I picked up Pugsley and jumped into the deep end of puppy sitting.

If you have never raised a puppy, let me explain how different it is from raising a full grown dog. I was fortunate to have adopted my current dog and didn't have to go through the whole puppy stage. There is the potty training and the endless amount of energy. The puppy does nothing more than eat, sleep, play, and poop. In fact, the thing is a poop making machine. You ever wonder where the poop of people who are constipated go? It goes to the puppies in the world. They poop enough for all the living creatures in the world.

And it's not a normal dog turd. Nope, it's a massive amount of dog crap. You know the fake rubber dog poo that they sell in gag stores? This is the poo they used for the mold. It's about a third of his size each time and it keeps coming out non stop. I know I keep focusing on the poop, but you have to see it to believe it.

Anyway, the puppy is still alive and hopefully I can return him in one piece so that I have other puppy watching chances. If not, there is always duct tape and maybe she wouldn't notice.

Beware the Ratman

This is way too funny...
CAUTION: You should go to the restroom before viewing this link. Otherwise, you may have a laugh so hard pee all over self moment.

Scare Tactics

Who's going to the World Series... Oh Yeah

All those going to the World Series take a step forward... ah not so fast Cardinals.

Oh my gosh. We totally owned the Cardinals last night to advance to the World Series. I don't think we could have played any better and we have this momentum going into the game on Saturday. This is not your grandma's Astros of yesteryear. Nope, these Astros are new and improved (Version 2.0 if you will). And what's with all the no love from the national media? We have given them a hell of a series between us and the Braves and then another good series between us and the Cardinals. And we get like five minutes of air time this morning. And all of the bitching and complaining of the "phantom tag" call.

WHATEVER....

Yes, it was a bad call. It happens sometimes and it has happened to us in the past. You get over it and move on. If that was truly the one thing that changed the game yesterday then they didn't deserve to win anyway. We could have let that crushing defeat on Monday bring us down, but we didn't. We are resilient and scrappy. We are the modern day Rocky Balboa.

I have been doing my part with the whole beard thing. Well, actually I can't grow a full beard. I have the same issues Biggio has and it looks all patchy (extremely pathetic... you'll have to trust me on that one). So, I have refused to trim my goatee until the Astros win the World Series. I have been doing this since the postseason began. And I'm starting to look pretty sad to tell you the truth. I have this whole Shaggy (Scooby Doo) look going on. I have like five hairs that are growing long, but the rest is still short. Oh well, every fan must endure some pain to do their part for the team. But at least I can solve mysteries and I have my Scooby Snacks (And by "solve mysteries" I really mean sit on my ass. And by "Scooby Snacks" I really mean beer).

ZZZZ (Or lack thereof)

I remember once upon a time when I would be up until all hours of the night and wake up to go to work with no problem what so ever. Those days are long gone my friend. I am soooo tired and I am getting more sleep now than I did before.

The cause... a shift in my circadian rhythm (internal clock for the non-scientific people). I used to be up until 3:00 in the morning and have no problem waking up around 7:00AM to go to work. So four hours of sleep was plenty for me. Now, I'm getting around five hours of sleep, but the difference is my bedtime has shifted. Instead of staying up until 3:00AM, now I go to bed around 11:00PM. I don't know why it's affecting me so easily.

But every problem has a solution... And alas my good dear longtime friend "caffeine" has come to my rescue. In fact, my friend has decided to set up permanent residence in my system to help me make it through these difficult times ahead. Ah, caffeine, so many memories together and I'm sure many more pleasant memories to come.

Of course, this problem is pretty severe so the normal daily caffeine methods will not suffice. After all, coffee and energy drinks will only get you so far in life. So, I think I will break down and go for the big guns. This site sells what I need man. They's got my fix and are willin to hook a brotha up...

I have decided to get the caffeinated mints and chase them down with the bawls drink. Mix them together to get a serious case of fizzling blue bawls (grin). Oh my... I think I'm blushing...

Life on the Run

Lately I have been running around like a mad man (very appropriate for me since I am quite insane) between several side jobs and my personal life. I have been quite exhausted and was sitting there this evening dreaming of some down time. I tend to do this to myself and schedule too many activities at the same time. Then I get exhausted and do nothing for a few weeks. This evening I was washing my hands when I noticed a small ant on the counter.

SQUISH... I smashed the ant into oblivion.

Then I started to think about what I just did... why would I kill a defenseless creature just because I was like 1000 times his size? What if we are small ants to some huge sentient life form out there that is 1000 times our size and we don't know it. In an instant I could be squished just like the ant. This is why it is important to live life to the fullest each day. You never know when the almighty gods would smash us just for the fun of it.

I know this has turned into another one of my rambling posts, but don't worry here is the cliff note version of what I was trying to say.

Live life to the fullest and I need to be more efficient regarding the scheduling of my time.

Section 110 Row 17 Seat 14

I know it's been a while since I have last posted, but it has been a extremely busy weekend. The best part was attending Game 5 of the NLCS last night at Minute Maid Park. This has to be one of the best experiences I will have for a long time to come. The crowd was crazy and the hype was unexplainable. The worst part of the night was the extremely heartbreaking loss for sure, but I still have faith in my Astros. They have two more games to get us to the world series. You don't think they will now just roll over and die do you? Please...

Don't get too happy St. Louis, were about to bring our "A" game there and kick some serious butt.

Self Torture

So I mentioned yesterday that "E" now knows about this site. Well, today was the first time she actually started reading some of my previous postings WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HER. I think the sheer terror of her reading some of my postings had me on the edge of blacking out. It was all a blur and I was feeling extremely awkward about the whole situation at first. But as she started reading some of the postings, it actually started to feel pretty good. She laughed at several and some she was trying to understand why I felt that way at the time. I couldn't give her a rational answer other than, "I don't know. I was thinking kinda crazy at the time" (Actually, I didn't say those exact words. So really I shouldn't have put quotation marks around them. But as I mentioned earlier, I was sort of in this hazy black out state, so I don't remember my exact words).

I do this a lot to myself. I am always harder on myself than other people are on me. In fact, the only comment she made was that I need to add more pictures. I have never known what it was like to share very personal information with someone and it not be used against you. This is definitely a new feeling for me. I know it's a good thing, but it still pretty scary.

I feel the same today as I did a few days ago, so I seriously doubt that her reading my postings will negatively influence any of my postings. Even if I did put something down and "E" did not like it, then I would have to put my foot down show her who's the boss (And if your reading this "E", then I'm just kidding. "Please Mommy Dearest, not the wire hanger"). I have my manly side, but I'm no fool.

Yeah Astros

Like a thief in the night, we stole one away from the Cardinals. They didn't know what hit them...
One down. Three to go...

The Cat's out of the Bag

It's finally been done. I told "E" last night about this site and I'm
sure she will eventually take a look at my postings. I don't know why
I'm so fearful of people knowing about this site. I know I'm afraid
that it would influence my postings. I hope this is not the case. I
cherish the fact that I can express my true thoughts and emotions on
this site without feeling judged. I guess I always figured that if
someone out there judged me on my postings, I wouldn't really care.
But if it's someone that is close to me and they judge me on my
postings, I don't know how that would affect me.

Everything that I have posted in the past has been based on real
experiences and thoughts in my life. So when I was telling "E" some
of the things I have posted in the past she was kinda surprised. I
don't think it really bothered her, rather it intrigued her. So, it
will be interesting to see how this affects my postings.

Even worse, what if she freaks out about my internal thoughts and
never wants to see me again? Well, I'm only expressing my private
thoughts and hopefully she would be accepting of me (even my freaky
twisted mind). I guess I'll have to wait and see...

Never Fear... Underdog is Here

Well, Today is the first game of the NLCS and I think we have a really good chance of beating the Cardinals. We might be a different team from last year, but I think we are actually better this year. We lost a lot of power hitters, but we are more scrappy this year. There is more fight in us and we are not dependent on the long ball anymore. Garner has this wonderful ability to manufacture runs out of nothing. So let them think we are the underdogs. I like it that way. That way it will be even better when we kick their butts and they have no more excuses. We were not supposed to beat Atlanta in the first round. Hell, we weren't even supposed to be in the playoffs according to the media back in April. So, to be still playing in October is a special treat that I will never forget.

Where have my thoughts gone?

Sometimes I have so many ideas that I would like to share on this site, but I do not have access to the Internet at the time. Then when I get to a computer, I forget what I wanted to post. This really sucks sometimes because I know there are some really good thoughts (at least I think so at the time). The reason I mention this is because this happened to me three separate times today. And now all I have is this stinking post to share. I really should apologize for this pathetic posting, but I'm not (feeling kinda pissy about it).

Anyway... If I can remember any of the stuff from earlier, then I will post it. Otherwise, I guess the world will never know the thoughts swirling around in my head. Actually, maybe this is a good thing because some of these thoughts should never be made public (even on the Internet).

Ok, here's a thought for ya...

Today I was eating dinner at Chick-Fil-A (chicken sandwich restaurant) and made this observation. All of the employees working the front counter were white. There must have been around eight employees. And then I noticed that there were three employees in the back making the sandwiches. And all of them back there were Mexican. What's up with that??? Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but it was very obvious. This restaurant is also very religious. They are closed on Sundays because of the whole "not working on the Sabbath" thing. So I think I made a new correlation....

Chick-Fil-A is religious. Chick-Fil-A is discriminating. Therefore, religion is discriminating against Mexicans. Seem like a stretch? Perhaps, but at least it helps me justify my anger towards organized religion. How's that for a messed up thought?

Rollercoaster of Emotions

Where do I begin...
This weekend has been an extremely pleasant and fun filled weekend. I think I'll sum it up real quick similar to ESPN's Sports Center and then come back for the details. Let's see... there was a fun filled bike ride, haunted house, and Astros.

It all started this past Saturday morning. I challenged myself by riding in a 43 mile bike ride that I thought I could easily accomplish. Normally, this amount of distance is not a problem for me, but I was unaware of how many hills were on this route. I was dying by the end of the ride. It was pretty pathetic actually, but the important part is I finished the ride and in a somewhat decent time. The last few hills, I was literally going 5mph up the hill and there were kids running up the hill next to me. That was such a humbling moment. Of course, those stupid kids didn't just complete 40 miles worth of bike ride before running up the hill. If I had enough energy, I would have chased them down and smacked them just for the principality.

Wow, where did that anger come from? Ok, back to sanity now... Later that evening my daughter wanted to go to her very first haunted house. How could I tell her no? So off we went to the Carnage haunted house. This one was definitely cool. It was "E", my daughter, and my youngest sister. Neither my daughter nor my sister have ever been to any of the professional haunted houses. I knew this was going to be good...

I tried to build up the hype and get them all worked up before we got there. I told my daughter that they grab you and run sometimes, but that started to really freak her out. She said she would start to punch them in the face if they tried to grab her, so I had to tell her the truth that they would not touch her and she could not "punch 'em in the face". That seemed to calm her down a little bit. It was pretty funny, because somehow I ended up in the front of this four person scared train in the haunted house. There were certain parts that were pitch black and the hallways were constantly turning. I kept feeling my face flatten against the wall because the certain unnamed individuals behind me kept pushing me forward. So of course, who was first when the people would jump out? But revenge can be bitter sweet because they would wait until I passed them and jump out later when my daughter or sister was below them. They were really good. They popped out of stairwells and pictures. Some of the special effects were definitely Hollywood quality and I thought that was the best part. I highly recommend taking your children to a haunted house and watching the living poop get scared out of them. The best part was watching my daughter get freaked out by the guy chasing her with the chainsaw. It made me so proud to see her have this "screw everyone" attitude and just care for herself when she took off running to leave us behind with the chainsaw guy. Yeah, I might have been cut into a million pieces, but she would definitely never know because she was hauling ass out of there to safety. Ahhh, I install such fight or flight patterns in my child. What a proud dad I am...

And how can I not mention the Astros. Oh my gosh... They kicked butt on Saturday and needed just one more win to advance on in the playoffs. So what does that mean? Of course, they have to get all dramatic and win in a record setting 18th inning on Sunday. And what about Roger Clemens? This man is a machine. He comes in on the 15th inning to pinch hit and has to relief pitch in the 16th inning. He had three consecutive shutout innings to help us seal the deal for the win. The homerun by Burke just capped off the best baseball game ever played. We were down 6-1 until the 8th inning. I thought for sure we would have to play a game 5, but nope the Astros are not down and out until the game is over. Ausmus hit the homer with two outs in the ninth to put the game into extra innings. The game lasted like 5 hours and 50 minutes. We played 23 players in the game and used all our pitches except two of our starters. This is definitely one for the history books. I love this game.

So, that was the majority of things going on this weekend. There were a lot of other events that occurred, but they can not compete to these events. I am extremely sore and tired today, but I would not change one thing about this weekend. And for the record, I can safely say that I am in no way unlucky to the Astros. I was either watching the game or listening to the game this weekend and they won both games. I can't wait until Wednesday to play the Cardinals. I almost forgot the best part of the game yesterday. I was watching the game when they showed a banner someone brought to yesterday's game. It read,

"He CARLO$, how do you like the view from the couch?"

I thought that was the best part of the game (other than the 18th inning win, of course).

Bad Luck

I have to believe that I did not give the Astros bad luck yesterday and jinx them. They fought hard and stole one game from the Braves at their own home field, but I did feel a little guilty for my post yesterday. I think they are still playing pretty well and I have not lost my faith in the team. I wish them the best of luck the next couple of days.

On a related note, I am not a superstitious person normally except for sporting events. I know some people that freak out when you spill salt on the table or do not walk under ladders. Oh, and don't get me started on breaking mirrors or black cats walking in front of them. I have always tempted fate regarding those things and believe that if something bad is going to happen to me than what the hell. I probably couldn't stop it anyway. After all, who knows, maybe that was supposed to be my destiny anyway. Maybe by being superstitious I am altering the course of my fate. Then I am living a life I was not supposed to be living. Scary thought isn't it?

I have always been an "Even Steven" type of guy. I have never really had a long string of bad luck nor good luck. I have won my fair share of small lotto tickets and won small amounts of money at casinos. Usually, I make back the amount of money that the people I am with lose on that trip. And I have had my fair share of bad luck, but it is not nearly as bad as it seems at first. I guess that is a good thing in my life and that's why I'm such a big believer in karma. Because I practice the principle of giving to others what I would expect in return. It almost always works out for the best everytime. I know, I know, I'm starting to sound like some kind of Disney movie.

"Hakuna Matata"

Can't you just imagine me running around in the jungle eating grub worms and singing joyous songs outloud. I'm one step away from being a missionary (and I'm more of a woman on top type of guy). Did I just say that out loud? Oh my gosh, and I can't even blame it on any alcohol. What would the neighbors think?

Next Stop ... World Series

I didn't want to go there, but I think I must. The way the Astros played yesterday was just amazing. Who needs stinking Beltran? Taveras is a much better deal anyway and we have learned to play small ball instead of relaying on power hitters. Hopefully we can win today and steal two from the Braves. If we do, then it will be a good sign for us to advance on toward St. Louis (That's right... the Padres don't stand a chance against St. Louis).

So this is my official "good luck" posting for the Astros and I'll make sure to do my part as a fan and go out there tonight to watch the game. I'm going to the sports bar across the street from the stadium. I know it's an away game, but just being close to the stadium makes it feel more right. If anyone is at the same bar then you will immediate notice me. I'll be the one drunk and screaming for my beloved Astros.

I love this game...

Name your Price

Everyone has a price. And for the people who claim they don't, your a bunch of liars. EVERYONE has a price.

What's my price? I'm not sure yet, but I am realistic and know that I must have some price. I work for an educational institution and am not paid nearly enough to match my living expenses. So what do I do?

Well, the way I see it I have two very simple options...

1.) Lower my quality of living lifestyle and live off of cat food, vienna sausages, and tap water (You know it's bad when you can't even afford Ramen noodles. All I can afford is Ramen's cousin - Ramon's noodles. You know the ones you find in the dollar store like twenty for a dollar).

or

2.) Find a different job that will pay enough for me to enjoy my current lifestyle (Crack is an expensive habit you know).

As much as my internal instinct is leaning toward option 1, something in me is actually leaning toward option 2.

What to do, what to do....

Weekend of Champions

Wow, what a crazy weekend. Between the Astros winning the National
League Wild Card and my retreat, I am flat out exhausted. I made it back this weekend just in time to witness the last three innings of the Astros game yesterday. I had no Internet or TV all weekend long and was going crazy because I couldn't see any of the games the last few days. Isn't it amazing that they were able to pull it off again this year? And in typical Astros fashion, they kept us in suspense until the last game of the season. I really like our chances this
year for the post season.

Anyway, don't want to talk too much about the post season because I
don't want to jinx the team....

So this weekend was exciting and tiring at the same time. These
campers had a blast and I would like to think that I had something to do with it. I was dancing with them all night (you know how I like to shake my groove thang) and playing basketball with them on Saturday and Sunday. They kept me up until 3:30 on Saturday morning and then I got up around 6:00AM to have my alone time while I ran. I was flat out exhausted, but I had to find the energy to make it through the day. Then they had a dance / party Saturday night and they were up until 2:30 that night. I tried to get up again at 6:00 for my run, but that didn't happen. Which was fine because I really needed the
rest. I receive so much satisfaction watching the campers have fun and enjoy themselves during the weekend. For some of these people, this is the only opportunity for them to be independent (even if it is only for a couple of days). Every year, after I volunteer, I have this sense of appreciation for the wonderful blessings I have in my life. Now don't get me wrong... I'm not getting all religious on you, but I do understand that I should not take the little things for granted in my life. The ability to walk, talk, think, and feel are something that no one should take for granted because it can all be taken away from us at any moment. Some of these people did not even know they had epilepsy until they were in their forties, so it can happen to anyone at any time.

Of course, the first thing that I had to get out of the way was my whole ex-girlfriend thing. This was brought up several times throughout the weekend. I figured it was best to just be upfront
about the whole situation and get it out of the way. It wasn't that bad and actually they other counselors were very supportive about the whole situation. So there were jokes made throughout the weekend and I took it in stride. The only hard part was that there was another couple of counselors there that were a "couple". It was actually kind of funny because they are in their early twenties and they were all in "love" throughout the weekend. Aaahhhh, to be young and in love. Such naiveness and ignorance... It's such a beautiful thing. Until reality smacks them upside the head and the wicked truth about love
comes strangling upon them....

I know most of you are probably thinking, "This guy is just mad at the world because of his last failed relationship". Well partly, but that doesn't make it any less truthful... Love is a double-edged sword that can easily slice off vital organs of anyone that doesn't know how to handle it properly. Trust me, I know this one all too well. I thought I had a good firm grip on this crazy weapon called "love" and got cocky with it. I was flipping it all around and being careless with it. Then it happened... "love" sliced me open with no remorse and left me standing there with my bowels on the floor. I was in disbelief that love could actually turn on me like that. But what do you do? I just took it as a lesson learned and one day will pick that sword back up.

Is it me, or is this posting starting to make no sense whatsoever...

Oh well, I think the fatigue is starting to catch back up with me. I will just end this now before it gets any worse.

Counselor Dan

I have been volunteering with the Epilepsy Foundation for the last three years. Once a year they have an adult retreat and I volunteer as a camp counselor. Surprising isn't it? Me, a camp counselor, how crazy is that?

But you know what? I think I make a great camp counselor and had a blast doing it for the last couple of years. I actually got started volunteering with this foundation because of my ex-girlfriend. Well, this will be my first time attending the camp solo. They really needed male counselors so I decided to continue volunteering with them. I am excited but a little nervous at the same time. The last couple of years all of the participants knew that my ex and I were a couple so I am prepared to face the questions this weekend about our breakup. I'm sure it won't be a big deal. But every time I have to re-explain the situation, Its like reliving the memory of the breakup.

Anyway, I won't be near a computer all weekend long. This is good, because I just need to get away for a while and enjoy nature. The camp is beautiful and so peaceful. I plan on taking advantage of the peace during the early morning hours and run a couple of miles for some solitude. This is just the thing I need to recharge my batteries.

If you don't hear from me in a while, I was either eaten by a bear or the Blair Witch got me...

Spin, Spin, Suga

I have to say this short film is really really good. Check it out yourself.

SPIN

Spinning Wheel

Sometimes I feel like a hamster spinning in a wheel. I have so much going on in my life. I keep running and running, but when I look back I haven't gone anywhere. And it's not just my life that feels that way, its my thinking as well. I have these thoughts spinning around in my head but they are never productive thoughts.

Have you ever watched a hamster spin in his wheel? I always wondered why they don't realize they aren't going anywhere and just get off the wheel. Perhaps something within them convinces them to keep trying. Maybe one day if they keep trying they will eventually go somewhere. I wonder if this is what keeps these thoughts spinning around in my head. That one day these thoughts may come true and I will eventually move forward.

Damn this spinning wheel inside my head...

Shakespeare

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Three games to Clinch

We only have five games left of the regular season, but only need to win three games to clinch the NL Wild Card. Let's hope that Phillie loses some of their games and thats even better for us. It's so close I can taste the playoffs.

Let's go Astros, let's go!

Judgemental Thoughts

You know, I wonder how many people actually visit this site on purpose? I see a few people stop by every now and then, but I do see some that are constantly returning from the same sites. Do these people actually come by to see what mad thoughts I have going on that day? This site is nothing more than some crazy thoughts placed online to vent frustrations or when I have some new found revelations. I know I am not that interesting, but I do wonder if its the whole big brotherish thing that causes people to check back into my site. These are very intimate thoughts placed out there for the world to see and I don't know who I am sharing these thoughts with (I know I shouldn't end with a preposition, but it's my site dammit). Does that make me some kind of cyber whore? Or does that make me just pathetic because I am willing to share these thoughts with anyone who will listen (or read in this case)? Oh well, I guess I'll never know.

On to another random thought...

From time to time I like to share secrets about myself. Why I do this, I'm not quite sure but it must have something to do with the whole cyber whore thing. Actually, I just like saying cyber whore so I get to use it three times in this posting so far...

Well, I realized today (actually a lie, I've known for some time now) that I judge people all the time in my mind. I would like to think that I am not the only one who does this but hope that everyone actually does the same thing and doesn't talk about it. I just rode up the elevator with some guy and judge him the whole way up (two floors worth of judging. Now let me explain why I take the elevator for only two floors. They lock our stairwell so we can not use the stairs to go up only down. So even though it is only two floors, I have to take the elevator. Ok, I feel better now that you don't think I'm some loser for not taking the stairs. I may be a loser, but it's not because I take the elevator) Where were we... Oh yeah, so all the way up I was looking at what this guy was wearing and how he was standing. I noticed he had a cane and wondered why he carried the cane but didn't use it. Then I started to think that if I carried a cane, I would want to use it instead of just carry it around. And then I started to think about his color coordination of his outfit. I know this is all absurd, but I do this all the time in my head. I can't stop myself. Anyway, it usually never gets any further than these initial thoughts and then I move on to judging someone else. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I do not use these judgments against these people or base my actions with these individuals from my judgments. They just pop into my head at times. And of course, it wouldn't be fair for me to judge these people without judging myself. I am my harshest critic for sure.

Anyway, here is another trait that I am revealing about myself to the world. I'm such a whore. Actually, I'm worse than a whore because I don't even charge for what I do.