Counselor Dan

I have been volunteering with the Epilepsy Foundation for the last three years. Once a year they have an adult retreat and I volunteer as a camp counselor. Surprising isn't it? Me, a camp counselor, how crazy is that?

But you know what? I think I make a great camp counselor and had a blast doing it for the last couple of years. I actually got started volunteering with this foundation because of my ex-girlfriend. Well, this will be my first time attending the camp solo. They really needed male counselors so I decided to continue volunteering with them. I am excited but a little nervous at the same time. The last couple of years all of the participants knew that my ex and I were a couple so I am prepared to face the questions this weekend about our breakup. I'm sure it won't be a big deal. But every time I have to re-explain the situation, Its like reliving the memory of the breakup.

Anyway, I won't be near a computer all weekend long. This is good, because I just need to get away for a while and enjoy nature. The camp is beautiful and so peaceful. I plan on taking advantage of the peace during the early morning hours and run a couple of miles for some solitude. This is just the thing I need to recharge my batteries.

If you don't hear from me in a while, I was either eaten by a bear or the Blair Witch got me...

Spin, Spin, Suga

I have to say this short film is really really good. Check it out yourself.

SPIN

Spinning Wheel

Sometimes I feel like a hamster spinning in a wheel. I have so much going on in my life. I keep running and running, but when I look back I haven't gone anywhere. And it's not just my life that feels that way, its my thinking as well. I have these thoughts spinning around in my head but they are never productive thoughts.

Have you ever watched a hamster spin in his wheel? I always wondered why they don't realize they aren't going anywhere and just get off the wheel. Perhaps something within them convinces them to keep trying. Maybe one day if they keep trying they will eventually go somewhere. I wonder if this is what keeps these thoughts spinning around in my head. That one day these thoughts may come true and I will eventually move forward.

Damn this spinning wheel inside my head...

Shakespeare

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Three games to Clinch

We only have five games left of the regular season, but only need to win three games to clinch the NL Wild Card. Let's hope that Phillie loses some of their games and thats even better for us. It's so close I can taste the playoffs.

Let's go Astros, let's go!

Judgemental Thoughts

You know, I wonder how many people actually visit this site on purpose? I see a few people stop by every now and then, but I do see some that are constantly returning from the same sites. Do these people actually come by to see what mad thoughts I have going on that day? This site is nothing more than some crazy thoughts placed online to vent frustrations or when I have some new found revelations. I know I am not that interesting, but I do wonder if its the whole big brotherish thing that causes people to check back into my site. These are very intimate thoughts placed out there for the world to see and I don't know who I am sharing these thoughts with (I know I shouldn't end with a preposition, but it's my site dammit). Does that make me some kind of cyber whore? Or does that make me just pathetic because I am willing to share these thoughts with anyone who will listen (or read in this case)? Oh well, I guess I'll never know.

On to another random thought...

From time to time I like to share secrets about myself. Why I do this, I'm not quite sure but it must have something to do with the whole cyber whore thing. Actually, I just like saying cyber whore so I get to use it three times in this posting so far...

Well, I realized today (actually a lie, I've known for some time now) that I judge people all the time in my mind. I would like to think that I am not the only one who does this but hope that everyone actually does the same thing and doesn't talk about it. I just rode up the elevator with some guy and judge him the whole way up (two floors worth of judging. Now let me explain why I take the elevator for only two floors. They lock our stairwell so we can not use the stairs to go up only down. So even though it is only two floors, I have to take the elevator. Ok, I feel better now that you don't think I'm some loser for not taking the stairs. I may be a loser, but it's not because I take the elevator) Where were we... Oh yeah, so all the way up I was looking at what this guy was wearing and how he was standing. I noticed he had a cane and wondered why he carried the cane but didn't use it. Then I started to think that if I carried a cane, I would want to use it instead of just carry it around. And then I started to think about his color coordination of his outfit. I know this is all absurd, but I do this all the time in my head. I can't stop myself. Anyway, it usually never gets any further than these initial thoughts and then I move on to judging someone else. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I do not use these judgments against these people or base my actions with these individuals from my judgments. They just pop into my head at times. And of course, it wouldn't be fair for me to judge these people without judging myself. I am my harshest critic for sure.

Anyway, here is another trait that I am revealing about myself to the world. I'm such a whore. Actually, I'm worse than a whore because I don't even charge for what I do.

Cluttered Mind

I have had enough of the Hurricane Rita talk to last a lifetime. So, I decided to let out some of the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind the last few days. I have had a lot of time to ponder my life since everything else has been closed the last few days. Even though I spent the last few days with "E", I still had so much on my mind. I really do appreciate everything that she has provided the last month of my life. I can not thank her enough, but sometimes I wonder what we are really about. I can tell she does not fully have trust in the situation yet, but to be honest neither do I. It is all happening too fast and it is too smooth of a transition for the both of us. This is the part we do not trust. We have discussed this topic plenty of times. But no matter how much we talk about this unusual situation, we still have our skepticism. Since I am no mind reader (at least my skills have deteriorated since my last mind reading), I can only discuss the thoughts from my perspective. So here they are...

What determines if people are supposed to be together? Is there some magical feeling or enlightenment that occurs to let you know this is the "real deal" or if it is just another failed attempt at happiness? I am not sure, but I do know that this doesn't feel like the usual relationship, so there must be something to that feeling. It is a hesitant feeling for sure, but I have always been leery of situations where I feel too comfortable.

Why do I still sometimes feel lonely or sad, even though I have something so wonderful in my life right now? I am not sure about this one at all. I want to have only happy thoughts and emotions, but sometimes there is a sadness that overwhelms me.

I am afraid of getting lost in the relationship and losing myself again. This is a common occurrence for me in my past relationships. This also causes me to be distant at times in my current relationship. I have this HUGE fear of losing myself. I completely lost myself in my last relationship and had practically nothing when it ended. I had a couple of friends and of course my daughter, but my life did not feel like my own. I would literally wonder around sometimes because I couldn't figure out what I wanted in life. I swore to myself that I would not let that happen again and I mean it. This could be a huge problem in the future.

Well, those are just some of the thoughts wandering around in my brain the last few days. I have so many more, but I only let a few out at a time. I keep the "crazy" ones in solitary confinement. One day they may see the light of day.

Not the brightest crayon in the box

So now that the worst part of Hurricane Rita is behind us, what is there left to do? Well, for one thing we should seriously look at what may have been the cause of the mass confusion the last few days. There was serious gridlock that has never occurred in Houston before with the evacuation. All of the gas stations were without fuel and all of the stores were shutting down early because there was a shortage of employees. The airport even had 150 of the 350 employees not show up for work on Thursday (two whole days before Rita was supposed to hit Houston). This caused people to miss their flights and create havoc at the airport. Do you know who I blame for all of this chaos?

Our beloved mayor Bill White.

He called for a voluntary evacuation earlier in the week at the same time as the mandatory evacuation of the coastal region. What was he thinking???? Of course, after witnessing the devastation of Katrina most people were terrified of a hurricane hitting Houston. What people did not understand was the difference between Katrina and Rita. There is a huge difference in where the hurricanes landed. Houston is nothing like New Orleans. We are not under sea level and we are not surrounded by a lake and a river. So most of the devastation was caused by the levees breaking and not from direct impact of the hurricane. I am not taking anything away from the Katrina tragedy. That was extremely tragic and I feel pain for the people that had to live through that hurricane, but this hurricane was a completely different event. So when our mayor decided to call for the voluntary evacuation without preparing for it first, then he created the mass hysteria and chaos.

The worst part is that he is not taking responsibility for his mistakes. Noooo, he is trying to spin the situation and not show his failures. He is saying that it could still have been bad and that the people that evacuated were doing the right thing.

Bullshit....

And now what are we going to do when all of these millions of people try to return to Houston? I hope there is some form of investigation into the failure of our local government. Where are the investigative reporters when you need them?

Meaning of Love

I saw this quote today and thought it was really appropriate for me
in my life right now.

"Love is not about finding someone you can live with, but finding
someone you can't live without."

A day in the life of an IT guy

Well, the hurricane missed Houston for the most part. Hurricane Rita
was nothing more than a glorified rain shower. So, what does that
mean? Well, for one thing, I now have to spend the better part of my
Saturday bringing all of our systems back online. This is nothing new
to me. The life of any IT guy is usually spent working on servers
instead of enjoying the holidays like normal people. When everyone is
relaxing right now I am sitting at my desk look at a computer screen
all afternoon.

It's times like these that make me want to hang up my IT shoes and
become a whale fisherman. Just me, the whales, and the open sea...

Waiting Game

Well, I'm still here waiting for the hurricane to come ashore. Luckily, it appears to have shifted east so we will not get a direct hit like we thought earlier this week. Unfortunately, this caused a huge gridlock on the city traffic yesterday and there was chaos all over the city. People were fighting at the gas pumps and all of the gas stations were out of fuel. The stores and restaurants were closed and people couldn't even pick up their medication. This is what I imagine the post apocalypse to be like. The whole "Mad Max" thing was evident yesterday. I tried to go out but there was traffic everywhere and no one was moving. So many people that were trying to get out of town gave up and returned home eight hours later. The worst part is the phone lines. Both cell phones and land lines are tied up and constantly failing. So even if you eventually get through, it is only for a few minutes before your call is disconnected. This is very frustrating indeed.

Well, we gathered as much supplies as we could find and I think we have enough to last a few days. Hopefully, the power wont be out for too long so we should be okay. The funny part is that we were so focused on getting the essential "power outage" supplies (batteries, candles, water, etc.) that we forgot to get daily eating supplies. So here we sit with full power but nothing to cook. This is definitely an Alanis moment. We have power but for breakfast I had a tuna packet with crackers. This is too funny. We realized this last night, so we decided to venture out and see what may still be open at 7:00PM last night. Let me tell you this is the first time I have ever seen Houston look like a ghost town everywhere. All, and I mean ALL, of the stores, gas stations, restaurants, and bars were closed.

But then there was light at the end of the tunnel...

We found a lone bar open. The Stafford Ice House was open and had a few people in it. So we declared the place the Hurricane Rita party place and started drinking. Several people there were in the same predicament as us regarding the food situation and went out searching for food. They found this place open and decided to stay for a drink or two since it was the only thing open. The bartender was the only one working there and we were helping her try to call around to see if any places were still open serving food. Nothing was open and she fortunately found some pretzels in the back and we all had pretzels with our beer. We drank and drank the night away. We stayed there for seven hours and went back home. This is by far the most fun I have had waiting for a hurricane to hit.

The only part that sucks is the hangover I have now. Waiting for a hurricane while fighting off a headache is not fun at all. So, what other option do I have? I guess I'll have to start drinking again to get rid of this hangover. Rinse, lather, repeat...

Category 5

Hurricane Rita has officially become a category 5 hurricane. All I can do now is hunker down and hope for the best. With the scarcity of supplies and no plywood in sight, all I can do is seek shelter and dance in the rain.

I recently bought a refrigerator magnet that said, "Live each day as if your ass was on fire!".

That's what I plan to do. Look at me, my ass is on FIRE.

Rita Watch

Hurricane Rita is predicted to come in our direction this weekend. In
honor of the hurricane, I think we should spend the week drinking
Margaritas (Ritas) while we wait for the storm.

Feeling a little Jason Mraz(ish) lately

I'm looking for love this time 

Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry 

(Trying not to ask why) 

Cause love is a mystery 

Mr. curiosity 

Be mr. please 

Do come and find me 

Love is blinding when the timing's never right 

Oh who am I to beg for difference 

Finding love in just an instant 

When I don't mind 

At least I tried, well I tried, I tried...

Two to Tango

I really do believe I am such a bad influence on those around me. I
have such good intentions, but in the end I always seem to negatively
influence others without even trying. This is why I think maybe there
is some dark forces at work in my life. I have always had the ability
to convince others to do something even though they are doubtful at
first. Maybe it's my boyish charm or some false sense of innocence.
Of course, afterwards I feel guilty and somewhat responsible for the
negative influence. I know it takes two to tango, but it only takes
one of the two to start the tango.

I always start the tango...

Doppleganger

I have been told so many times (too many to count) that I remind
people of someone when I first meet them. This has happened to me my
whole life. Therefore, I must have some evil twin out there living my
life before I arrive. I say an "evil" twin because I can use this
person as an excuse for any bad deeds I may perform and this excuse
should work.

Last night I went out with "E" and met a bunch of her friends. This
group has pretty much known each other since high school and still
hang out together. This is pretty cool because I definitely do not
hang out with any of my high school buddies. Hell, I don't even hang
out with any of my college buddies. I seem to go through friends
pretty fast and regular. Around every four years I seem to hang out
with a new set of friends. What does that say about me? Commitment
issues for sure...

Anyway, I digress, last night I reminded them of their friend
"junior" and heard it all night long. It wasn't bad at all, actually
it was pretty cool because these were good people and accepted me as
if I was their friend pretty quickly. I just find it interesting that
I remind people of someone else pretty regularly. I wonder just how
many evil twins I have out there in the world. And what if these
twins are more cool than me. Man, that's a lot of pressure on a
person. I have to be "cooler" or "better" than these twins to make
myself stand out. After all, who wants to be known as the boring "twin"?

So if you see me out there in the world and I am boring, you must be
meeting my boring evil twin and not me. But if you run into me and
I'm the life of the party, then it is the real me and not the evil
twin. It's kind of nice having an evil twin I must admit.

Long Overdue

Well it's been a while since I've posted anything that would offend anyone. So here are some buttons I've found lately to express my view of organized religion. And yes, I already know where I'm going after I die. So let me guarantee that I will be partying as much as possible till then.

Six Simple Rules

Relationships are extremely confusing to me. I must admit, I have not
had the best track record so far with my past relationships. Maybe
they should teach you these things in school when you are younger.
Math, science, history, relationships, gym, reading... I know I could
use a few classes to help me learn some things about relationships
that I just don't quite understand.

For example, when does the person you are "seeing" become your
girlfriend / boyfriend? And is there a difference between "seeing"
someone and "dating" someone? I would think that if you are dating
someone there is more commitment involved, but what do I know. And I
have never been good at all these rules placed on us by society. I
don't even know the rules all that well to tell you the truth. Are
you supposed to wait two days or three days to call someone after you
get her number? And don't even get me started on the whole "I love
you" point of relationships. Is there a certain timeframe to say
those potent words? Too early and you seem eager, too late and you
have no feelings. And what about the whole cohabitation thing? Is it
okay to live with someone without being married? My last ex told me
after we broke up, "Why buy the cow, when you have the milk for
free". She did have a point. When you live together it creates this
whole false world of married life, but you have none of the
commitments involved with marriage. All of these things are so
confusing. The pressure alone is enough to make me not want to be in
any form of committed relationship.

But in a committed relationship I am...

So this is for all the people out there that want my view on
relationships. And if no one out there wants my view then tough
because I'm going to give it anyway. I think there should not be any
rules to all of this stuff. Feelings and emotions follow no logic and
therefore you can not have rules to contain those emotions. In order
to have rules, it would require that we all have the same type of
relationship every time. This, as you can imagine, is illogical (said
in a Mr. Spock voice). We each have different relationships. Hell,
every time I'm in a relationship it is different. Okay, since that is
out of the way now, here is my version of the rules...

1.) There is no difference between "seeing" someone, "dating"
someone, or "going out" with someone. They are all the same thing.
2.) If you have been together for over 30 days, then you are now
officially "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". Of course the two terms can
interchange as necessary "girlfriend and girlfriend" or "boyfriend
and boyfriend".
3.) You have to wait a minimum of twelve hours to call someone after
you get their number. If you want to talk to them why can't you give
them a call?
4.) The maximum amount of time you can take to call someone after you
get his/her number is three days. If your too busy to call before
three days, then you don't have time to date anyway.
5.) You can live together whenever you want and for as long as you
want. Screw society and these false standards that we must live up to.
6.) The right time to tell someone "I love you" is when you feel it.
If the other person is not ready to hear those words yet, then tough.
It doesn't change the fact that you feel that way about them. We
shouldn't go around in life feeling love and not expressing it
because we are worried about how the other person will interpret
those words. If they can't handle those words, then it's their
problem not your problem.

So, these are my six simple rules to live a long and prosperous life.
Well, not really, but they may help you develop a loving and lasting
relationship. I just wish I realized these six rules earlier in my
life. But, it's better to know them now then sixty years from now
when I'm too old to take advantage of them.

Qualities of a Hero

How does one become a hero? What is it in a person's characteristics
that determines if the person has all the qualities of greatness? I
don't know for sure, but I sure hope that I have just an ounce of
greatness that Roger Clemens has in his character.

He pitched a spectacular game last night. Just 15 hours after his mother passed away...

I don't know many, probably none actually, that would have had the
strength to perform the same task. He did it for his mother. I love
my mother very much and I just hope that one day I can honor her as
well as Clemens did for his mother. It takes a great man (woman) to
find the strength within to overcome the pain and perform such great
tasks as he did last night. I understood the greatness that the
"Rocket" has performed for the Astros the last two years, but he
ceases to amaze me. Just when I thought the man was at his pinnacle,
he rises even higher.

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever perform a similar task if
necessary. I have never been tested as hard as he was last night, but
I have been tested life. I am relatively sane and still alive, so I
must have successfully passed the tests. There are so few people to
look up to now a days. Clemens is one of the relatively few real
heros left in this world.

Thank you, I love you

This is to all the people in my life that have caused me pain.
Especially the individuals that have made me so cynical in life and
interfered with my ability to be loving and accepting without any
fear of pain.

"Thank you, I love you."

If you have ever watched "Starved" on FX, then you'll know what I mean.

You have been warned comment spammers

What the hell is up with this new trend? I allowed the use of
comments on my site just to see what some people might have to say about any postings. Now, I'm getting this stupid comment spamming. Do these people not have any conscious?

Karma... I'm telling you. If it's a man that is spamming my comments, I hope his penis turns purple and falls to the floor. If it's a woman, I hope she grows a penis that reaches the floor.

Okay, got that out of my system...

Surreptitious Site

I have been thinking a lot lately about this site. I try to express
my true emotions and thoughts in this site unfiltered. I have not
told the woman I am currently dating about this site on purpose. I'm
afraid that if I tell her about this site, then I will not be able to
put down my true thoughts. There is this fear that something I have
posted in the past would be interpreted wrong or cause her any pain.

I do not care what people think of this site. It is who I am and what
I feel. This is not a completely true statement. I do care about "E"
and I do care about what she thinks of me. I also care about what my
true friends think about me. I do not have many real friends, but the
few that I do have I care about a whole lot. I do not think I have
put anything on this site that would hurt them or make them feel
judged. And I honestly don't think I have ever posted anything about
"E" that would hurt her, but it does worry me so.

I started posting to this site after the break-up of my last
relationship. This was an extremely hard break-up to go through. I
found that posting my thoughts and feelings online somehow made me
feel better. Virtual therapy if you will...

For all I know, she may have already discovered the site. I have
tried various Google searches to verify that this site is not found
based on certain names. This is the point of not using complete names
in the past. Actually, after searching through Google I was a little
let down. I thought that some of my random nonsense writings were
unique. Come to find out that they are pretty common. I guess I'm
just another looney out there in the world looking for my mothership.

Back to business... So, I refuse to edit out anything that I have
posted in the past. Those were my thoughts at that moment in time and
I preserved them for all to see. But will these previous postings
come back to haunt me in the future. I have briefly brushed on this
topic in the past. But now I am truly concerned. I have a feeling
that if this current relationship progresses further, she will find
out about this blog somehow. Sometimes, I feel guilty because it's
like I'm keeping this secret site from her.

This brings up another question, "Is there such a thing as too much
openness?"

I have been completely honest in relationships in the past.
Sometimes, too honest. This has only caused problems. But what if the
problems really there all along and not caused by the open sharing? I
would hate to think that I could not be 100% honest with "E". She has
so far proven that she will not judge me based on my previous
thoughts and decisions. She is the first person that has allowed me
to feel my honest emotions and not used them against me. Of course,
we have only known each other for a month. This is still very early
in the relationship. It is not until around month three that things
start to creep out from the dark places within.

Where is all of this coming from? I think that I am really scared to
completely let go of my fears and let my guard down. I was extremely
hurt after my last relationship and I do not want to be hurt like
that again. At least not for a long, long time. I don't know if I can
handle that kind of pain again. At least not this soon. It's funny,
because I had no problem letting my last ex hurt me like that time
and time again. I refuse to let someone else hurt me like that. Kind
of twisted, isn't it?

Real Men Don't Cry

Why is it that society has to portray men as strong and stoic with no
emotions? I can't stand the fact that if I show emotions out in
public, I would be thought of as a freak. I have feelings just like
anyone else. I laugh, cry, get angry, feel happy like any other human
being, but these "soft" emotions are not allowed to be expressed by
"real" men. I know it shouldn't matter what our society deems as male
qualities as opposed to other countries. It just bothers me how much
arrogance is allowed in our society. In other countries, men kiss and
hug each other when they greet. Men are allowed to be sensitive and
express all flavors of emotions. Americans are standoffish and
private. I really think that I was meant to live in another country
that is more open minded and accepting. I love my country. I just
don't like the societal views in my country.

"Now swallow all your pills in the cup"

Why can't humans be more like emperor penguins? The sacrifices they
make to ensure the survival of their offspring is incredible. They go
months without food to have a chance of hatching their egg. Of
course, by now it must be apparent that I just watched the movie
"March of the Penguins". This was a really good movie and I would
highly recommend it to anyone.

Humans could learn so much from animals and nature. I think that our
ability of self awareness and high-level thinking is our downfall. We
focus too much on the details of life instead of just enjoying what
life has offered us. You don't see animals rushing around to their
jobs just so they can afford to pay their bills. Don't get me wrong.
I'm not into the whole socialist view of society. I love capitalism
and everything that it offers, but there is always a negative to all
that is good. The yin to the yang. So we rush and rush until we are
exhausted. Then we gather our earnings and use them to buy crap, eat
out, or party. You get the picture. Then we alter science so that we
can live longer. Why do we do this? Just to be able to live longer
and spend more money? This makes no sense...

I love science and advancement. I just think that we are so focused
on the microcosmic things of the world that we forget about the big
picture. Global warming scares the crap out of me. And there are so
many other things that are caused by the advancement of man. We are
slowly killing our own species off in the name of science. I don't
remember the summers being so hot when I was a kid. Or the heat
lasting as long during the year. I live in Houston and we have a good
three months of cool / cold weather and then it's back to the hot-ass
humid weather again. It wasn't always like this. Just because I am an
avid conspiracy theorist doesn't mean that I am wrong. Even the
paranoid are right some of the time.

I know it may seem like I am babbling (well that's because I am), but
so many thoughts are swirling in my mind about life in general and
where I fit into this crazy jigsaw puzzle of life. If I didn't exist,
would the world be the same or would it be completely different? How
much of an impact does one person have in the world? For every
positive person, there is a negative person. For every good person,
there is a bad person. Life can not exist without some form of
balance. So, What would happen if we take away one side of the
equation but not the other side? Would the world flip over it's axis
and spin out of control? I guess the other question becomes, if
balance must exist then what happens when someone dies? Does that
mean that if they were a good person then a bad person also dies at
that exact moment? Philosophy has never been my strong subject. I've
always been good at raising profound questions, but never any good at
answering them.

And what happens when you mix different colored medication? If I mix
my yellow pills with my blue pills, do they turn green in my stomach?

Okay, enough of the random bull. Back to your regularly scheduled
programming.

This rant brought to you by Prozac. One pill is all it takes...

R.I.P. Napoleon

Although I did not know you personally, I know how much you meant to her. It is hard to understand why you were taken from this world at such an early age, but I do know that everything occurs for a reason. I have heard so many wonderful stories of your life and I'm sure to hear more for many years to come. I know your in a better place now. You will be sorely missed. Goodbye my friend.

Ipod Nano

Steve Jobs is a visionary god. I want one of these and will do WHATEVER it takes to get one. It is so beautiful and simple.

Hi, my name is Daniel and I'm addicted to Apple.

Hey, it could have been worse. I could have been strung out on smack
and prostituting myself out for the mighty heroin. Reminds me of the
movie "Trainspotting". The whole dead baby on the ceiling thing is
like totally freaky. Okay, I'm better now. I just had to get that out
of my system.

Monkey's Uncle

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle"

Where does that phrase come from? Sounds kinda stupid if you really
think about it. And what about "You can't have your cake and eat it
too". What does having some cake have to do with the fact that I want
to eat the cake. What else would I do with it? I guess there are some
freaky things you could do with baking goods (American Pie anyone?),
but even then... After it was all said and done, I'd still want to
eat the cake afterwards.

The real point of this entry was to mention that I went to another
small hole in the wall place again last night. And I pass by this
place quite often and never realized it was there. They serve frozen
mojitos. "Oh my god" They were delicious and very alcohol friendly.
Life just doesn't get any better then this I tell ya.

Plop (The sound of a shoe hitting the floor)

Live to love and love to live.

My life is going remarkably well right now. I'm not used to this...
Any day now, the other shoe will drop. It always does. I know I sound
so paranoid, but history has given me reason to be paranoid.

Where, oh where has my sanity gone? Where, oh where can it be?

grammar check

I have been online journaling (blogging) actively for a few months
now and have run across this situation a few times. I post my latest
entry into my blog and go about my business. Well, a lot of the times
I submit my postings via e-mail and rush through the e-mail. I depend
on my mail client to catch the spelling errors, but the client does
not catch my grammatical errors.

So the question remains. Do I alter my postings after the fact or do
I leave them the way they were posted (grammar mistakes and all). I
have decided to leave the mistakes in the posting because that is
what occurred at that moment in time. It just seems wrong to alter my
wording afterwards like the mistake never happened. Oh my gosh, does
that mean I have some form of journalistic ethics. This can't be...

7264345795.23424 GHz

I have always been a big believer in the supernatural. I have just
witnessed too many unexplained mysteries in my life to not believe in
the supernatural. I'm not one of those people that think the Devil is
behind these events or some evil power is causing these events. They
just occur for whatever reason and our modern science is not advanced
enough to understand the root causes of these events.

I believe that people think on a certain wavelength. Similar to a
cordless phone. There are gazillions (really big number) of channels
and we are each assigned to a certain frequency. What happens when
someone is thinking on the same frequency as you?

I can tell you what happens... I scares the living shit out of you.
That's what happens.

The woman I am currently seeing is on the same wavelength as me. She
has to be. It can only explain some of the weird stuff that has
happened to us from the start.

Some time ago, we met but didn't exchange any information. We would
meet in a group setting and casually talk every now and then. One day
we decide to exchange information and left it at that. This was on a
Monday. That following Friday, I leave work early and decide in the
middle of the afternoon to give her a call. She was not there, so I
left a message on her home phone. Well, at that exact moment (not
really but within like 15 minutes of each other) she was sending me
an e-mail. Neither of us knew this until later that night. I found
her e-mail and she heard my message around ten o'clock that night. So
something made us want to contact each other a week later at the same
time.

Okay, most of you are probably saying (who am I kidding. "most of
you". seriously, there is only like two people in this massive world
that read this site. sorry, back to what I was saying) "What's the
big deal?" That was mere coincidence. Happenstance if you will. And I
would totally agree with you, if it weren't for all the other stuff
since then. We think about the exact same stuff at the exact same
time. And not just usually stuff, but out of left field crap.

Another example to further my point. Today we were talking and just
having a good time. It went kind of silent for a couple of seconds.
Not awkward, but noticeably silent. Then I started singing, "Devil
with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress. Devil with the blue
dress on." And she freaked out. She was thinking of that exact same
song at that exact moment. Now, I must admit that I did sing that
line earlier in the day (about an hour before this happened). So it
was not totally unrelated, but for us to both be thinking of that
song during the silence must mean something. It's this kind of stuff
that happens all the time when we are together.

So normally I'm a skeptic when it comes to this kind of stuff. I have
to "see" it to believe it. Doubting Thomas for sure. But be careful
what you wish for because when it does start happening to you, it
will scare the living daylights out of you. If I were a religious
man, maybe I would think the Devil has some influence on her and she
is really out to get my soul. But when I started shouting, "The Power
of Christ compels you" while sprinkling holy water on her she didn't
climb the walls or spit green vomit on me. So now I have to find some
other explanation or file it away as one of those unexplained mysteries.

If anyone else is also on my frequency, please stay away. It's hard
enough with two people on the same frequency. Lord knows what would
happen if there were three of us on the same frequency at the same
time. I think my head would explode from the massive amount of
confusion that would occur.

Simple Life

I was watching the Simpsons and Marge made the following comment,
"Why do people worry so much about the details? It all works out in
the end." Of course, she was drunk and being carried by Homer when
she made this enlightening statement. But isn't that when we make the
most sense? When we are drunk things become so much more simple in life.

Keeping things simple is the way to ensure a happy life. I focus so
much on all of the details in life that I do not enjoy the present
moment. Actually, that's not completely true. I do enjoy the moment,
but I think there is probably so much more that I am missing. In
honor of living a simple life, I am keeping this posting simple as well.

Rhythm in my Soul

I have always been a huge fan of music. The rhythm that flows through
my soul is unstoppable. I have a secret to reveal...

Sometimes, when no one is looking... I put on some really funky music
and dance around by myself in the living room. Yep, it's true. I have
been doing this since I was a young lad. And not just some small
dance movements. Nope, some serious "get down" and "get funky"
dancing. I love to dance but the whole club scene is not what I'm
interested in doing. I would rather dance in some small hole in the
wall place.

Lately, the woman I am currently dating has taken me to some really
interesting hole in the wall places. I didn't even know existed. This
surprised me (a lot). I thought I really knew most, if not all, of
these type of places around my neighborhood. I was extremely wrong.
The funny thing is that we have never danced in any of these places.
I wanted to get up and shake my groove thing, but she has never
wanted to dance. This is when I realized just how much I like to dance.

What does this all mean? I'm not sure. But I have learned a long time
ago, that these small things are not "deal breakers". Whether she is
a dancer or not, will not change the fact that I like to dance.
Perhaps she is just not comfortable enough to dance when it is just
the two of us. I guess that's not really fair to her because these
small places have no one else dancing when I want to dance. But
anyone that knows me can understand that I have no care in the world
whether anyone else is watching us or not. When I go out to have a
good time, I go out and have a GOOD time. I still believe that life
is too short to be worried about other people and their thoughts.
Everyone in this world is a dork in some way or another. I constantly
remind myself that no one is perfect no matter how much they try to
pretend they are perfect. The people that try the hardest to portray
this perfection are the people most screwed up in the head.

Funny, I'm actually one of these people that try to portray
perfection to the world... Then again, everyone knows that I'm really
messed up in the head. So, when you see someone else out there acting
all "perfect", just think of me and I can guarantee it will bring a
smile to your face.

Withdrawal

I think that I will be a kid for the rest of my life. At least
internally, I will not grow old. I have a hard time doing "adult"
things and making "adult" decisions. It all seems so boring and
stuffy to me. Well, I have come to realize that some of my actions
lately have been affecting others and influencing people that
normally act like adults. I have these ability to bring out the youth
in people around me. Perhaps its my boyish charm or the possession of
my soul by evil spirits. Either way, when I go out at night, I have
an ability to allow others around me to have a really good time. So
good in fact, that they have a hard time at work the next day. At
first I thought it was just the people I was associating myself with,
but now I can clearly see a pattern. I happen to do this with
everyone that goes out with me. It gets so bad now, that I have to
rotate through friends just so they can keep up with me.

So where is this all leading?

Well, today I heard this phrase from someone that has been trying to
keep up with me for the last couple of weeks. "I am going to have to
take a break and get some downtime. I am just physically and mentally
exhausted. I can't even think clearly anymore." Mind you, we pull all
nighters at least three times a week. And when I mean "all nighters",
I mean no sleep what's so ever (During the work week). I guess I
never realized how much of an influence I can be around people when
it comes to partying. I have been living off caffeine and energy
drinks lately. This can not be good for my liver (in addition to the
large quantities of alcohol I am also consuming throughout the
night). I'm losing more and more people to hang out with during the
work week. I think it might be because they are scared of what the
night entails.

So, I guess I'll take the "adult" road in life and give it a try
every now and then. This should be interesting to go through the day
with a clear head and actually be productive in my work. Naturally, I
will have to slow down on the caffeine and sadly start my withdrawal
process. If anyone sees me curled up in a fetal position in the
corner, just look away. This won't be a pretty sight when I start to
come down from my caffeine high.