Me versus them

I noticed a lone ant wandering inside my bathtub and figured it was trapped. It kept trying to climb up the side and would fall back down. Normally I would feel sorry for a creature stuck like that, but not for the ant. If I had to choose an arch nemesis, it would definitely be the ant. Especially these damn fire ants down in Texas. Small little boogers that burn like hell.

I remember as a child playing in the grass and running around the yard. Oh, such bliss to be outside and playing with your friends. Until that dreaded day.

I must have been around ten years old. A group of my friends and I were playing all day. Back then you had a big gang that did everything together (boys and girls). We played and played and would then sit down and relax. We would contemplate life and enjoy our youth. That's when I felt the burn. It was a burn unlike any other. I immediately jumped up (which startled all my friends) and yanked my shorts and underwear off in front of all of them. There I was standing naked from the waste down in front of all my friends. Well, not completely naked, because there were about forty fire ants biting me all over my legs, back, groin, and butt. I started screaming and ran into the house. I headed straight to the shower and washed them off. I was in complete shock from the pain.

Did I mention that I'm allergic to fire ants? Real bad. I swelled up and started running a fever. After the initial shock wore off that night, I realized that I just stripped naked in front of all my friends. I was so embarrassed that I wouldn't go outside for a week. Luckily, they never mentioned that day and I hid it in the depths of my damp dark memories.

So, to this day, I get my revenge one ant at a time. "Mr. Ant, say hello to ma little friend Mr. Foot".

I just want to close them for a second

I am so tired all the time. Can I say that again? I am so tired ALL THE TIME. Do I do something about it (like go to bed earlier)? Nope. In fact, I stay up late again the next night. I think the tiredness would be acceptable if it were for work reasons or some kind of personal project. It's not. I just get hooked on the Internet or my music or some other small task. Next thing I know it's well past midnight.

Did I mention that I am also trying to reduce my caffeine intake. THIS SUCKS! This is not going to make me a happy worker during my meeting this afternoon. Nope, not happy at all.

Rainmist is your friend

Sometimes I have to keep my delusions in check. Okay, not crazy psycho delusions... then again, don't all psychos say that, but the sordid co-dependent delusions. I think that other people's vague social updates are related to me somehow. For example, suppose someone said, "I can't stand boring people". I would instantly wonder if that person was talking about me. Then reality would kick in and I would slap myself at thinking such ridiculous thoughts.

I'm sure there is some psycho babble term for it, grand delusional or something. That is not the point. What is the point to all this you ask? Do other people experience the same thing (and I'm not talking about a few strange characters out there). Is this a common trait in human beings?

When someone shakes up an air freshener in your office, is it because you stink? Or is it related to the fact that they need to do something with their hands while talking to you? Of course, this is all hypothetical and the only reason I'm asking is for a friend.

*Runs home to take two showers now*

2009

I just realized that I did not blog once during the whole 2009 year. Not once! That is a shame. I obviously had lots of thoughts during that year, but never posted any of them. Now, they will be lost forever. That sounds so dramatic. I don't know why, but I had a sudden thought of Blogger running around shouting, "they stole my jawb!!!". Hehehe

Should I zig or zag?

Life is about several small choices throughout the day. Do I go left or right? Should I stay, yes or no. At what point do you just throw your hands in the air and give up? Sometimes I wonder if I'm settling in life. I want more in life, but I'm not doing any actions to get me there. So the bigger question is, what do I do about it?

Do I zig or do I zag? I'm not really sure yet. I'm leaning more toward zagging, but it's hard to let go of the zigging. Sometimes I wish that I could lease out my life for a little while. Let someone else make those decisions for me and then I can deal with the results. Sounds good in theory, but I bet it would suck in real life.

Downward slope

I've been reading some of my previous posts and feel good about the progress I've made as an individual. To witness my own growth the past five years is incredible. I wonder if this would have occurred anyway (through natural wisdom) or because I focused on changing myself for so many years.

I've felt pretty stagnant in the personal growth department lately. I'm not sure why yet, but I have felt this way for the past year. Perhaps I need some change in my life. I'm so afraid of commitment lately, that I'm not sure settling down would be an option.

How do you know when you are happy? I'm not talking about "eating ice cream" happy, but true happiness. I would guess that if I am asking this question, I'm not truly happy right now. A happy individual would not realize that he is unhappy.

I must be going through an introvert stage right now. Cycles... life is all about cycle patterns.

Hellloooo

Blah blah blah... you've heard it before. It's been such a long time. I've realized a newfound appreciation for this medium. It lets me type more than 140 characters. It also let's me put as much rambling as I like without any consequences. Well, I should rephrase that, there are lot's of consequences at times.

Anywho... I was reading back through some of my older posts and realized that I'm much more open on this site than the other social mediums. I believe it's because I really don't care what people think if they read stuff from here. Okay, you know that's not entirely true. It's because not many people know about this site.

I did start the site without telling anyone. It was my online journal of sorts. Then it was slowly discovered by my friends. I started worrying about my thoughts being out in the open and was self editing at times. Then the inevitable happened, I became burned out. I felt I HAD to say something every day. That is a whole lot of pressure. I don't know how these daily bloggers do it. So I reached out to other things. Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook and Twitter. I don't know... once again I start rambling on here.

It sure is quiet in here

Hello... Um, hello?

I thought for sure Google would have shut down my blog by now since it's been forever since I've updated it. Yep, FOREVER. That's quite a long time. Then again, I view "forever" as a relative term. I've jumped on all kinds of other social media sites lately. I'm not sure if that is the cause for the long break or just laziness.

I like the other sites, but there is something about writing whatever you want for however long you want and not be cut off. No 140 character limit or 421 character limit. And sometimes I tire of writing in 3rd person.

Anywho... I'm thinking I may pop on here from time to time to capture my longer thinking thoughts. Aw Blogger, baby you know the other sites don't mean nothing to me. I was thinking of you when I was typing on their pages.