Randomness

Have you ever blinked and the day is gone? That's how my life feels right now. It's in super-fast forward and I am not in control of the day. I can't wait until my vacation in a few weeks.

I'm trying something I have not done in a very long time. I'm not taking my laptop with me on vacation. Yep, no laptop. Of course, I'll have my phone. I'm not that stupid. No other electronic device except for a digital camera. Will my mind be able to handle being away from electronics cold turkey like that? I'm going to find out.

I'm also taking a book to finish while I'm away. I have no idea of which book. If you only had one book to read while stranded on a deserted island, what book would it be? I'm not sure if I should go with a classic or something modern.

How to sneak a dog onto a bus

1) Find small scruffy puppy
2) Find large zippered bag
3) Place puppy in bag
4) Zip bag and leave an big airhole for the puppy
5) Slowly pick up bag, place it on your shoulder and wait at the bustop

I actually witnessed this whole process while waiting at a red light today after work. Obviously, they have both gone through this process many a time. At first I thought the dog was fake because it just stood there very still while the man setup the bag. Then the man gently picked up the puppy and stood him in the bag. Not once did the dog move the whole time. Then as the man was zipping the bag, the puppy moved his head.

I don't want to give the impression that this man was abusing the puppy. I would say the exact opposite to tell you the truth. He was so gently with the puppy and the dog was very good about the whole situation. I guess this is how the travel around town. It actually made me chuckle at the light and brightened my evening.

Live each day like it's your last

How to be the perfect girlfriend

Lunch meeting conversation

Worker Dude: Is that the new iPhone?
Me: Yeah.
WD: Does it really do all that stuff?
Me: Yeah.
Worker Chick1: Does it play videos?
Me: Yeah.
WD: I want to see it flick?
Me: It only does that with certain things like photos. See.
Worker Chick2: Flick it the other way.
WC1: Now flick it back that way.
WD: Can you zoom in?
Me: Yeah. See. You can spread the ....
(Awkward silence for a second)
Me: Pictures... you can spread the picture around and shrink it back down.
(Everyone just staring at me)
WD: Oh.


I really , really need to remember a better phrase to explain the picture resizing.

Road Least Traveled

What's death and my situation have in common? It's a jouney that only I alone can take in the end. I have no idea of what I'm doing and I know it may not turn out exactly as I thought it would. But the final destination is not what is important to me, it's the journey that I need to go through to help me learn about myself.

I am looking for something. I don't know what it is and I may never find whatever "it" is. I just know that I have been feeling this searching feeling for far too long. I know I can not trust my instincts right now. The secret is that I KNOW I can not trust them. That is the important part. I know exactly what I'm doing (good / bad), but I don't know WHY I do the things I do.

I'm not expecting anything from anyone. All I have ever asked is to be accepted for who I am as an individual. This post has nothing to do with anyone other than myself. I have had a very rough evening and want to reflect on my actions and the consequences of those actions.

I can truly say that I have a wonderful set of friends that have helped me more than I could ever explain in words. I appreciate everything they have done for me. I hope they know deep down inside how special they are to me.

I must make this journey alone. I will survive this tribulation. I always seem to find a way to get through those moments in the past. This one is no different. The actors are the same, but the play is different.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

Road Less Traveled - Robert Frost

How to not lose a pound a day

Alright, new rule change on my social experiment. It will no longer be an actual pound a day, but average a pound a day after 25 days. I have a feeling I'm not going to get anywhere close to that because of my lack of will power.

How did I blow it within the first 24 hours? I think in order for this to work, I am going to have to avoid all social situations in the next 24 days. I went to a friend's house last night to watch some football and the UFC match. I arrived around 7:00pm and started drinking. Next thing I know it's 4:30am when I got home and there was a whole HELL of a lot of drinking in between. All those empty calories just being absorbed into my body all night long. Sing it Lionel.

I know myself all too well. I can not avoid social situations for three weeks. And the alcohol "tastes so good when it hits your lips". I have not given up on my experiment, but this is why I am not a scientist. I adjust my experiment to fit within my expected results. So somewhere along the way I have to lose two pounds on average in a single day plus whatever weight I gained from my deadly sins outing last night.

That would make a hellacool party. Seven deadly sins get together. I got dibbs on Gluttony.

Super unsize me

I have decided to try a new social experiment on myself. It's the opposite of Super Size Me. I will try to lose 25 pounds in 25 days. I do not want to average that weight loss, but actually lose one pound a day.

I am told by several people that this is impossible. I want to find out myself. I will not use anything artificial in this experiment. I will just limit my calorie intake and increase my calorie burn. I have an exercise plan all planned out already. I have already been on South Beach Phase I for the past few weeks.

This is not some crash diet to lose weight. I have read articles before that mention actors losing or gaining weight for a certain part in a movie. There have been several actors that have dramatically lost this much weight in the same amount of time. I want to know if an average person could obtain the same result. I do not have the same money these actors have nor the same resources (trainers, chiefs, etc). I think I can do it, but I know it will be tough.

In all honesty, I will just be suprised if I can last more than a week before giving up. Twenty-five days. That's a little more than three weeks. That's nothing.

Frozen in time

It's one of those days / nights again. I'm trapped between both worlds (world of day and the world of night). I do not know if I should try to stick it out and stay up through the night or go to bed now and get SOME sleep.

What else can I do in this scenario??? Toin Coss.. Coin Toss. Best two out of three to be fair. Heads sleep now, tails stay awake.

Toss One: Tails
Toss Two: Heads (such drama and excitement)
Toss Three: Heads

No rambling tonight folks, I'm off to bed.

Wham!

Sometimes I feel like Dobie from Harry Potter and want to just smack myself in the head for the stupid things I do.

Dirty joke of the day

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Heading come true

"She's the bee's knees!"

Do bees really have knees? Where does this expression come from? I know what it means, but who the hell thought up this expression? So many questions, so few answers.

I know I could probably query the Google god, but I just wanted to throw that out there and not think about it again. Why not, "She's the tiger's teeth!" or "She's the llama's lips!". After all, bees are not very friendly, loveable, or sexy.

99 Luftballons

99 Jahre Krieg
Liessen keinen Platz fuer Sieger
Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr
Und auch keine Duesenflieger
Heute zieh ich meine Runden
Seh' die Welt in Truemmern liegen
Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden
Denk' an Dich und lass' ihn fliegen

- Nena

How's My Blogging

I most definitely need one of these stickers.

Sadness half a world away

I have seen many terrible things on the Internet. What I witnessed today really hit me hard. I read International news stories all the time because this is history we are witnessing. I have read plenty of stories from the Middle East that report of the stoning that still occurs to this day for religious crimes.

I read this story today that reported a teenage girl was stoned to death for falling in love with a man who was a different religon than her religion. She ran off and seeked sanctuary in a mosque because she feared for her life. He parents told her she was forgiven by the community and she could come back home. As she came back to the town, there were over 1,000 men waiting for her to arrive and abducted her. She then had her clothing stripped and was stoned to death. In front of police officers that did absolutely nothing. Her only crime was that she loved someone different.

I have read these type of stories on many occassion. Far too many. Today was different because there were people there that caught all of this on camera phones and posted the videos on the Internet. I witnessed the videos and have to say that it will forever change how I view these stories. To hear the poor girl scream in pain and the chaos of the crowd is something that can not be described in words.

I'm not sure if it's because I have a daughter or just the humanity in me, but I was physically shocked when I watched the videos. I just sat at my computer for a few minutes and had to regain my composure.

My feelings are very much torn regarding this situation. Obviously, I do not think this girl should have been killed. At the same time, I am a believer of not interferring in other people's rights concerning their religion and social views. The Middle East is something very new to us as Americans. We can easily go in and do our usual thing (call them savages and Americanize them), but this is the reason we have terrorist attacking us right now.

I honestly think today is one of those life changing type of days. It made me look into myself and learn a little bit more about myself. No jokes today. Only honest feelings and introspection.

Nothing new really

I just realized a pattern that my entries lately have been late in the evening. I wonder why I am unconciously choosing this timeframe? Is that even a word, unconciously?

I have all kinds of things that I want to write about throughout the day, but I forget to log in and put them down. Then at the end of the day I don't remember any of what I wanted to write about for that day.

I really wish I could journal better.

The blackhole in my head

Can you create a post of nothing? What if your brain is fried and there is nothing to write, but you have this strong desire to put something down in writing. I hate when I get into these moods.

Man of Mystery

Why Racer-X? This question was posed to me today concerning my picture for this blog. I thought long and hard when I first created this site about my persona and how this site may affect my real life. I wanted it to be personal, but at the same time I was afraid of who might run into this site. I have a whole lot of personal feelings vested in this site and they could come back to haunt me some day.

When I started viewmymind, I didn't think anyone I knew would actually find it. I was sloppy and some friends did find it. Once the cat was out of the bag, I did not try to hide it from them anymore. I am still worried about how some people at work may react if they knew my site belonged to me. I have broken the dooce rule too many times and would not want it to jeopardize my job.

I have also kept it from my last relationship early in the relationship. I told her about it eventually, but I truly do not know how it influenced my posts after I knew she was reading the site. I don't think it affected them too much. If I had to make that decision again, I would make the same decision.

I have always added posts every now and then to my daughter for her to read in the future. I figured she may eventually run into the site or I would tell her about it when she is older. This feels awkward becuase it's like reading my personal journal for her. I remember when I was a kid, I found a bunch of handwritten love letters my parents wrote to each other when they were younger. I read them all and it affected how I viewed them as adults. A lot of that information was confusing to me so I questioned them about the letters after I read them. I remember how furious my mother was at me for reading the letters. I can understand her need for privacy, but in all fairness the letters were in my room (old dresser she left in my room that I used). I do not ever want my daughter to feel that way towards any of my writings. I want to be open and honest with her. I try to be open and honest with everyone I meet.

Back to that original question, why Racer-X? Because he was the man of mystery. He was someone that was close to those around him, but no one quite knew who he was or why he was there. In some ways, this is the same for me. I tried to be anonymous to those around me. Hell, I even tried to be anonymous to myself at times. I am still trying to figure out who I really am deep down inside.

I leave enough clues every now and then for those who may stumble upon this site to think it might be me. I knew for a fact there are a few people who know exactly who I am, but there are several others who have no clue. That is why there are no personal pictures of me in any of my postings. I would like to keep it this way until I feel comfortable that my personal space is not threatened (including my job).

I suppose I could have choosen several other individuals instead of Racer-X, but he just seemed like the coolest person I could think of at the time. Speed Racer had the cool car with all the gadets, but Racer-X was impressive even though he didn't have all the trinkets. Deep down inside I want to be that naturally impressive in all aspects of my life.

Letting go

Isn't it interesting how time soften memories (good and bad)? Tropical storm Erin reminded me of Katrina two years ago. There was such devistation and Hurricane Rita was right after Katrina. I remember scrambling around looking for supplies at the last minute and giving up. It was like the world was ending and everyone was scrambling around trying to gather whatever they could. It feels as though that was several years ago.

Why is it that some memories are easily pushed back into the dark recesses of our mind, but other memories are hard as hell to let go of? At times like this, I can't help but think of Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind. To have the ability to wipe away certain memories sounds appealing.

Of course, these very same memories make me the person I am today. Without those memories, would I still be the same person? Doubtful. The pain helped me learn who I was as a person. I grew from those memories. Like them or not, they are a part of me.

A little bit too real

Must stop popping...

The Gambler

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

- Kenny Rogers

Wash, rinse, repeat

I usually follow the dooce rule, but sometimes you just have to talk about work. Actually, I'm going to break a few rules with this one post. Let's see... there is the no talking about work rule, there is the no talking about the bathroom rule, and then there is the absolutely no talking about the bathroom at work rule. But the strangest thing happened the other day and I just had to share it with the world.

I think I've mentioned in my past postings about the guy that refuses to wash his hands after using the restroom. Nada, not even a fake kind of wash. Would it kill you to just run some water and slap your hands under it for a couple of seconds? I'm talking about all kinds of gross here. Did I mention he doesn't flush anything in that very same restroom? I'm just gagging thinking about it. Yep, there's a slight vomit taste in my mouth now.

Okay, going off tangent here. Let's get back on track. You see, I am codependent. Therefore, I have this extremely strong desire to change him to better his behaviour (feeling British today) around me. So, my natural instincts are to make him flush and wash his hands. I just can't help myself. I want him to be a better person. I know, I know... I should'nt be judging him and definitely should not be trying to change anyone other than myself. But damn it, that's really really gross. I've been trying for years to get him to change. I just could never get it to happen. I've shown by example. I've stared at him as he walks out the door. Nothing.

I finally realized that he would not change so I changed my behaviour (Brit dan again). That is why I use no less than three paper towels when opening the door to the bathroom upon exiting. I have taken on a Monkish behaviour (aww, forget it).

Then one day it happened. Like a vision of the Virgin Mary on the mirror, a miracle happened in the bathroom last week. I was washing my hands and just ignored him as he walked out of a stall. I happen to glance up at him and he froze in his tracks. Not a partial freeze, but a deer in the headlights type of freeze. He turned around and went back to flush the toilet. WTF???

I just ignored him again and he started to walk off. I happen to look up again and then he froze again. Strange. He turned around and walked to the sink and washed his hands. Double WTF??? The parent in me wanted to pat his back and give him a treat. He's catching on to this whole potty training thing after all.

A co-worker noticed him follow the exact same pattern later in the week. I'll be damned. Maybe there is hope after all. I still don't take any chances though. It's too good to be true. So now I use four paper towels when opening the door, just in case.

A day in the life of a fan

I just love how my weekend has been going so far. I had it all planned out and life reminded me who's boss. It sure as hell ain't me. My venture for today? ( I love how you can make anything a question by adding a question mark) I was going to see an Astros game. Not just any Astros game, but the one where they are commemorating Biggio for getting 3000 hits. They were giving away Biggio figurine to the first 10,000 people and Biggio t-shirts to the first 40,000 people. The greed in me was too great. I HAD to have both.

My plan... I was going to get there two and a half hours before the game. Surely, no one would be there that early. Well, I did expect a few people but I was definitely going to be one of those first 10,000 in the door. I had a movie placed on my iPhone to entertain me while I spent the day waiting for the door to open. I put on some dark shorts because I figure I would be sitting on the sidewalk waiting for my wonderful tokens of appreciation waiting for me inside. I had my checklist heading out the door. Ticket... check, iPhone... check, wallet... check. I was good to go.

So I pull up to my super secret parking are and sure enough, I had really good parking for free on the street. This was my reward for such a crappy day yesterday. There was even this nice breeze all morning long. Much too nice. I should have known better.

I walk up to the stadium and all I can see are people everywhere. And when I say "everywhere", I mean fucking EVERYWHERE. There were three separate lines wrapped around the stadium. I picked what looked like the shortest line even though were were literally standing in the middle of the street with cars driving past us. That's when I noticed the two other lines were even longer and wrapping about a block back in the sun. Hhmmm.... why would they be standing in the sun and in the longer lines when this one is much shorter. Something doesn't add up.

Then I realized the pattern to the lines. The longest line was the one closest to the stadium with the doors right in front of me. They went about two blocks back. Then the second longest line next to us wrapped around the stadium. SHIT.

Sure enough, my line not only wrapped around the stadium, but went to the very end of the other street where there were people at the other creating their own line. So not only did my line wrap around the building, but it merged in with another line.

So yeah, you guessed it. I didn't get the commemorative 3000 hit figurine, but I did get a t-shirt. Hell, they had 40,000 of them. The attendence for today's game was 43,000 so I could have not had to wait in line and probably would have gotten a freakin t-shirt anyways.

And then the stupid people around me. "Who are we playing anyways?" "Milwalkee, don't they suck?" No, you dumb ass, they are leading the central division right now. "Oh, I'm just going to E-bay mine anyway." Damn tard posers all around me. They weren't even real fans. They just came to get the figurine to sell.

Oh well, next time my ass is going to be there at 6:00 am to be damn sure I get my precious commemorative treasure. At least I got to see a really good game. They won 6-4 by the way.

Perfect Day of Fishing (sort of)

It was such a gorgeous day today. The sun was out in full, not a cloud in the sky, birds chirping everywhere. What was I to do? Go fishing of course. How could I pass up such a perfect opportunity to become one with nature and relax while fishing?

I love fishing off this long ass pier out in the middle of the ocean. The longest pier in Galveston. I head out there and fight the crowds along the way. Obviously, everyone and their grandma decides to head to the beach today. I expected that and went on my journey with that mindset. The traffic didn't bother me. The rush for parking along the seawall didn't bother me. I was determined to get out there and fish.

I arrived this afternoon and lug all my belongings to the pier. I had a cooler filled with water. I had a folding chair to relax on and of course my pole and tackle box. I apply sunscreen to make sure I don't get burned. I was not going to let anything ruin this day. I like to take my iPod to listen to music while I'm fishing. There is nothing like listening to your favorite music while the sun warms you up and the cool breeze from the ocean cools you off.

It was just as perfect as I imagined it would be this morning. It was not that crowded on the pier because of the heat. I found a perfect spot that was secluded on the pier. I was doing my fishing thing. Today would be a R&B music day, so I was jaming to my tunes while relaxing on the ocean.

I then had a big bite on the line. I jumped up from my chair to start reeling in the fish. That's when the strangest feeling occurred to me. My music stopped playing. Ya hear me? My music STOPPED playing.

Panic sets in and I look down. Just as I look down, I see it. Definitely all in slow motion. My iPod shuffle was falling helplessly to the ocean and I could not do anything about it. I wanted to dive in, but knew better. PLOP. It hits the ocean and slowly starts to sink. I keep looking at it until I can't see it any more. I was exactly like the scene in Titanic. When Rose lets go of Jack and he slowly sinks beneath the ocean.

SHUFFLE... SHUFFLE... I kept wanting to scream but nothing came out. My first reaction was to sit on the pier and just cry. But strangely, tears did not come out. Only laughter. Loud laughter that caused those around me to stare. All I could do was laugh.

I had just taken the shuffle out of my pocket to turn up the volume on this song, and then I put it into my lap. I figured I would have to turn it back down on the next song. That was my mistake. The force of gravity was too much for the headphones to keep hold of the shuffle when I stood up in one swift motion.

I figured since I gave such a great sacrafice to Neptune, I would have caught a 100 lb shark today. Nope. What do I get in return for my great sacrafice? A one pound fish. That's it. That's all I caught today, was a stupid baby fish.

The water god was laughing at me today. He was constantly taking my bait and probably listening to some R&B tunes while he was at it on my iPod. But I got the last laugh. I still had the head phones attached to my ears. He may have gotten my iPod, but at least he can't listen to anything on it.

How to waste a couple of hours

Let's see what's out there

This site randomly pulls pictures from the Internet. To see a new picture, simply refresh the screen. I warn you, this may not be safe for work, home, church, school, yada yada yada.

It is kinda addictive though. Of course, it could just be the voyeur in me.

November 2008 can not come fast enough

I don't see how they don't all come back messed up in the head.

How addictive are sleeping pills?

Um.. yeah. I should be asleep right now, but I'm not. Why, you might ask? (Should that end with a question mark or a period?) Because I have spent the last hour playing with my damn phone. It is a gift from Satan himself. It is a beautiful device that is going to be the death of me.

I was working until about 1:00 AM anyway, then I got distracted with my e-mail settings on my phone. And um yeah... here I am in this situation now. On a side note, I just bought Jason Mraz's last live album (Selections for Friends). Really, really good album. There is something mesmerizing about his voice. You know who can write a killer blog, well besides me of course, Jason Mraz. If you've never checked out his writing, I highly recommend you stop by sometime. His thought process and ability to capture it in words really puts my method to shame. While I am chaotic and random on my postings, his posts seem to really flow well and have a sense of purpose.

Well, what should I say now? If we were talking in person, this would be one of those times where there is this awkward silence and we both know someone should say something, but we don't. We just stand there in silence.

Did you know that tonight (well I guess technically last night) was National night out? You're supposed to go outside and meet your neighbors. They have never ever done anything like that on my street (well at least not the past 3 years that I've lived here). Did you know that they tore down all of the buildings across the street from my place? That equals about eleven two-story homes. They are going to build a four story student housing complex for Rice University. Oh joy, what will I have for a view from my place? Damn student housing. Four freaking stories. That's a whole lot of concrete across from me.

Let's see, what else is on my mind right now. Barry Bonds broke the Home Run record (756*) last night. Yeah, I've never seen so much controversy concerning one little character in my life.

Did I mention that I should be sleeping right now, but I somehow found a second wind of energy. This is really going to screw me over during the day later on.

"Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You’ve got to find out for yourself whether or not you’re truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it, Take control
And inevitably wind up
Finding for yourself
All the strengths you have inside still rising"

When I get into these moods, I seem to listen to the same song over and over again. I throw on a pair of headphones, turn up the volume and just hit repeat. Tonight's song... Song for a Friend by Jason Mraz.

Another song that I can't get out of my head, Chocolate Rain. Spend the five minutes listening to the song. You will definitely have it stuck in your head for a while. What a name for a song. I know it sounds stupid; but everytime I think about the name of the song, it reminds me of Chef on South Park (Chocolate Salty Balls). I wish Isaac hadn't feaked out like that. I really miss the Chef character on South Park. "Ooh girl, I want to make love to you."

What ever happend to Terence Trent D'arby? Seriously, Wishing Well. What a great song. It's like aliens came and abducted him. He just disappeared. Sign Your Name... another great song.

Do you know that kids graduating from High School this year may not have even lived in the 80's? What the hell is up with that? I feel so old at times. These same damn kids can not even imagine a world with no Internet. Hell, Mosaic (precursor to Netscape) was invented in 1994. They would have been four at the time. I remember in high school taking typing classes. On actual typewriters. Kids nowadays have no idea how easy it is for them.

Okay, I have to get some sleep. My gut instinct is to just stay up and not even try to sleep. I know better. Everytime I try that, I end up falling asleep around 6:00AM and really screwing up my day. Four and a half hours of sleep should be plenty. Do they sell coffee in 64 oz cups?

Random ramblings

Past (adjective) = gone by in time and no longer existing.

Why is the past so hard to let go? Just when you think you have gotten over something, it slaps you right in your face when you least expect it.

Skeleton (noun) = things locked away in Daniel's closet.

You know, I had the opportunity to lose my virginity in the 7th grade. I passed on the opportunity because the girl was very easy and it freaked me out. Seventh grade... My daughter just finished the seventh grade. That thought alone scares the shit out of me.

I had a friend that got pregnant in the 9th grade. I remember her in my classes through her whole pregnancy. She was gone for a month when she had the baby, but then she returned to school. 9th grade... my daughter will be in the 9th grade next year.

Did I just hang around a bunch of freaky people or is this the norm? I pray that my school was just filled with freaks, but I think I might be in spending too much time in Egypt.

Another Lonely Day

Yes indeed, I'm alone again.
And here comes emptiness crashing in.
It's either love or hate,
I can't find in between,
'cause I've been with witches and I've been with a queen.

- Ben Harper

Greatness is my white whale

I wonder if I'm a great father. I know I'm a good dad, but am I a great dad? I've spent a lot of time thinking about this question this past weekend. It's really not that hard being a good dad. I just need to make sure all of my daughter's basic needs are provided for her. But to be a great dad, it takes a whole lot more work. I have to try and communicate with her even if she is at that age where she is not so vocal. Life was wonderful when she was a little girl. She would talk non stop when she was little. Now, not so much. I try to relate and talk about my life and my feelings. I want her to understand that I am human just like her. I want her to know that she can talk to me about anything. She says she understands, but does she "really" understand? I just don't know.

Being a parent is a wonderful thing. People without children just don't know what it's like to be so proud of your child. To see her smiling and laughing brings joy to my heart. All of the sacrifices that I have made by being a dad at such a young age are well worth it.

I hope she looks back on her life when she is older and remembers the special moments we've had together. Kubos, camping, and softball are special just between us.

What brings all of this up? Well, I know my dad did his best raising me and Lord knows that I did not make it easy on him. I just think there is so much I missed out in life because he didn't communicate with me when I was younger. My parents followed that old school philosophy of silent love. I knew they loved me, but it was never spoken. My parents never taught me about sex or relationships. I guess all of the "bad" things they caught me with in my childhood made them realize just how much I already knew about sex so they figured there as no need to discuss it with me.

My parents were also high school sweethearts and married right out of high school. That can mess a person up mentally when you think that is what you are supposed to do to have a successful relationship. I'm still fighting those demons on a daily basis. I want my daughter to know that there are all kinds of relationships out there in the world. She may not meet mister "right" and live happily ever after. I want her to realize that relationships are hard work. At the same time, I don't want to scare the living bejesus out of her.

I know I'm over-analyzing everything as I usually do. I know I'm a great dad, but the little voice in my head creates the doubt as usual. I will just continue to do what I do and hope for the best.

If I'm on South Beach in Houston, is it really the Gulf Beach diet?

So... I started the South Beach diet again this past Monday. Phase I and I'm still going strong. Well, for the most part. I really shouldn't be drinking alcohol, but you know me. Psss... not drink alcohol. Puleeze.

As I look back on the past few days I have to wonder. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??? It's not the junk food that is getting to me. It's not the lack of carbs. Nope. It's the damn caffeine. My caffeine intake has been reduced to about one cup of coffee a day. Do you hear me? ONE CUP!

Let's see how I'm handling the effects of this caffeine reduction. My head pounds like hell daily. Even the Excedrin is not working at times. I get the shakes at times. Oh yeah, and when the sweet brew of java touches my lips in the morning, I feel like I've died and found Valhalla.

I have been so swamped with the work the past month. It's not even close to funny. We have had several, several late nights at work lately. Not your there till midnight type of nights, but your there till 4:30 in the morning type of nights. Then back at work the next day at times. I'm ready for a day of escape. Camping, fishing, anything that doesn't involve work and gets me outdoors.