Transformation

It's been a while since my last post. I remember this happened last year around the same time. It seems like I have less energy lately. With my daughter staying at my place for the next few weeks, I have to find an alternate form of energy. I have actually been going to bed before 11:00 PM.

Can you believe it? Before midnight. What is this world coming to?

We have been having a good time, but I have added quite a bit to my plate since she was last here. I am exhausted, but here I am typing away on this stupid laptop. I refuse to let myself become an "early bird". I am a night owl. I stay up late. This is who I am. What is happening to me?

This is what I imagine old people think when they realize they are old. First it's going to bed a little bit earlier, then it's losing your bowels in your pants. I don't want to become one of those people. I guess this is the reason I have such a hard time going to bed early. I will fight this transformation throughout the process.

This is only a phase. I'll eventually be up till 2:00 AM in no time.

Training (again)

Today I have officially started my marathon training. I completed a whole mile.

One down, 25.2 more to go...

I haven't ran in so long, that it almost killed me. Well, not really killed, but it did hurt like hell at the end. I'm sore as crap. And let me tell ya, crap is a term I use to describe intense pain. Actually, I use the term for a bunch of things. It's my utility word. Whenever I can't think of a word, I just substitute crap in its place.

"Can you pass me that crap?"
"Man, I feel like crap."
"Don't be sending no crap my way!"

See, it can be used in any situation. The positive side of this training (besides the whole healthy feeling good thing) is that it may wear me out. I feel tired as crap and maybe I can actually get some sleep tonight. Keep them damn white spots away from me.

I'm definitely running the Houston marathon next year, but I wanted to try and make the San Antonio marathon in November. All I need to do is three miles three times a week. Then a long run on Saturday.

I think I can, I think I can...

Sleep sleep, go away

Sleep sleep, go away. Come back... Oh screw it. Just go away!

I'm supposed to be asleep right now. I tried to go to sleep, but here I am typing. I was laying in bed when the thought hit me. I didn't post anything on this site today. Crap. Let me jump out of bed and post something.

Okay... that last paragraph was a lie. I really was in bed, but my brain wouldn't shut off. I was just laying there. Watching white dots float by. Have you ever focused so hard in the dark that white dots start to appear? I wonder what causes the dots? It's probably some dust floating around in my eye. That's a comforting thought.

Anyway, here I am. Awake. Tired as hell, but awake. Of course, the natural thing to do is get on a computer and stimulate my mind some more. Yeah... logic is not my strong suit sometimes.

I was exhausted today. I had four hours of sleep last night because of work and I somehow managed to stay awake all day long today. Have you ever just blacked out? Not from drinking too much, but from exhaustion. I came home today and changed out of my work clothes. Next thing I know. I lost 30 minutes of my life. Just like that. I am laying on the bed and realize that the last thing I remember is getting out of my clothes. At least I didn't wake up with a dead hooker laying next to me.

Who the hell says that? I definitely watch way too much TV. Why is it whenever someone looses consciousness, they wake up in bed with a dead hooker?

Guess what's the word of the day? Laying

I think my subconscious is telling me to get the fuck off the computer and go lay down. Go to hell subconscious. I'm on the computer and I'm in control now. Anyone that knows me personally, knows my motto. "Sleep is overrated."

What I lack in sleep, I make up for in caffeine. Yeah, I'm probably shortening my life by several years. But who wants to be old anyway. Seriously, have you seen old people. All the wrinkles and the drooling. And the smell. Good Lord, don't get me started on the stench of old people. I think it's the mating scent of death. Where there's the smell of oldness, death is usually close by.

It's kind of funny. Whenever I can't sleep, my brain seems to wander about aimlessly. And you, my Internet friends, get to witness it first hand. Well, not really first hand, but pretty damn close. Of all the random bullshit I put on this site, there are 15 other random thoughts that I can't get down fast enough.

Oh yeah. The spell checking aspect is not working on this site. So if I make some spelling mistakes, just suck it up and accept it. I think this post looks better anyway without all those damn red squigly lines. Like squigly. Did I even spell that correctly? It sure looks funny. I don't think it's spelled right. I suppose I could look up any word that I think might be spelled incorrectly, but you know the situation. I'm too lazy. And honestly, I just don't care. I have come to accept my flaws.

Just how much random crap could I place in this posting? Did you know that I once stayed awake for over two days straight? Didn't I mention this before? I blacked out behind the wheel of a car while I was driving. I was so stupid. Yep, youth and stupidity are best friends. They travel everywhere together. I think in my life, they might be Siamese twins.

"We are Siamese if you please." "We are Siamese if you don't please."

Are you actually still reading this? You know you're supposed to be working or something. I know your not supposed to be surfing the the Internet and reading blogs right now. If your not working, then why the hell are you reading this? There is so much porn out there that you could be viewing instead.

I AM SUCH A GEEK. Whenever other guys out there can't sleep, they would probably look up some porn. Fondle the fig and get a dishonerable discharge, then grab some sleep. Not me. Nope. I'm sitting here typing up this entry.

Doesn't NyQuil knock you out? How much do you think it takes to knock me out in fifteen minutes?

Freedom

Honest = morally correct or virtuous.

I have learned the power of honesty. For so many years I have kept my thoughts and emotions to myself. I was always afraid to share them with others because I did not want them to hurt me. I have since learned to share these gifts with others and in return I have experienced a better way to live my life. I have learned to be honest with myself. This was no small task. I loved to live my life in denial.

I can honestly say that I am like that no more. I can express what is on my mind and not be afraid of being judged. And if people judge me on my behavior, then that's their problem. There is a wonderful sense of freedom when you can be yourself and be honest with yourself.

Another Dark Secret

Okay, It's been quite some time since I've told any secrets. I've got to get this one out of me or I'll explode.

I like Nick Lachey's new song. I know it's been out a while now, but I just couldn't tell anyone out there that I like it. Not out of fear that I would be labeled gay or anything like that. It's just, you know, Nick Lachey. I never like any of the boy bands. And to tell you the truth, I don't really know which boy band he was from. N'sync, Backstreet Boys, or 98 Degrees. Who the hell cares?

I'll explain why I like this song. It's real. I can feel the honesty and pain in his voice as he is singing this song. I think his recent divorce is what is driving the emotions of this song and it seems so real. Everyone knows what pain feels like. I can relate to his feelings. Before he felt this pain, all of the other songs were just crap. I like songs about pain and suffering for some reason. They just seem more real.

Mariah Carey's last album was definitely one of my favorites. Why? The pain. She was obviously going through some sort of breakup before this album. And she used the album as a healing method. This is how I use music. To heal and remember what it feels like to be human. The words and music run through me like wild fire.

Okay, that was a bit corny, but it's the truth. Good Lord, that feels much better. Holding that in was tearing me apart from the inside. But you know what Internet world? You can have what's left of me...

Sorry... couldn't resist.