I just had to share this one

Reality

All I can say is, WOW!

Take it to the mattresses

(EDIT: So many people seem to be looking for this quote. I've created a new entry that explains this quote. If this is what you are looking for Click Here.)

I had this Godfather fascination lately and bought the complete DVD set. I haven't seen the movies in so long, it was like watching them for the first time. "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."

Sometimes I feel as if I'm Michael. He was so innocent in the beginning of the movie, but then changes toward the end of the movie. Part of me feels cold and calculating at times. Not really caring for those around me. Well I do care, but sometimes you lose people around you during a war.

Which war am I talking about? The war on my individuality. I have lost myself along the way somehow and I am trying to find a way to determine who I am. A deep fear of mine is that I may lose those around me because I am a different person in the end of this discovery. I like who I was, but I was never happy. I don't mean smile while walking down the street happy. I mean deep down inside, blue bird singing, perfect day happy. I know it may not be possible to feel this way all the time, but I want to feel this way at least SOMEtimes. I am much too cynical for such a young person. It feels as if there is this 80 year old man trapped in my body.

Oh well, I'm sure that happiness will come eventually. It's one of those quit chasing it type of situations. I have way too much stress in my life right now to feel that kind of happiness.

I'm slowly learning what my dollar amount is to sell out. How about you?

Rare political moment

Look Al. Seriously, before this gets too embarrassing, just step down. I know, I know, a "no confidence" vote means nothing to you. You know it, I know it, the whole freakin world knows you need to just resign.

Now back to your regularly scheduled channel.

Only the brave dare enter

When I was a kid, I used to love going into haunted houses at the carnival. They always had some sign posted on the door with some scary warning. I was always disappointed every time I entered. Even the really professional haunted houses out there right now still seem so fake.

I present this warning to you here and now. Do not follow this link unless you agree to read the whole article and experience the site in a complete fashion.

Dare to Enter?

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Hero prediction

I was just washing my hands and this thought popped into my head. What if Ando has powers, but never knew because he focused on Hiro's powers so much. That would be pretty good turn of events. You heard it here first folks.

I also think the Petrilli mom has the same powers as Peter and thier dad had the ability to fly like Nathan. Only one more episode. I don't know what I'm going to do over the summer to get my sci-fi fix. I know that Eureka is coming back during the summer, but that is more of a comedic sci-fi show. The real hard core sci-fi shows just keep disappearing on me.

Who, what, where

I keep fighting the sleep. I feel so old falling asleep early.

You'll rue the day Mister Sandman.... Ya hear me "RUE THE DAY!".

Of course I knew that

Do you want to know when you are too competitive?

When your daughter starts to talk about what she is learning in class and you have to go home and google it because you don't want your 13 year old daughter to know more than you do.

What have I become? We had dinner today and she was discussing her day at school. She mentions that she has a test tomorrow in History. I ask her what is the topic and she mentions the "Progressive Era".

Shit... I remember that term, but I sure as hell don't remember the topic. She looks at me and then changes the subject. Whew... that was a close one. Normally she asks me if I remember that topic and we start to talk about it. What do I do instead of blowing it off? I go home and start to google it. I start to learn about the topic again. Just in case she wants to talk about it next week.

What the fuck am I doing? She's 13 years old. Next week she will be focused on some entirely NEW topic. I'm finding the need to get a phone that can google at a moments notice. Damn you iPhone, why aren't you available now?

Anyway, I've noticed my insanity and feel much better now. Not sure if it's becuase I realized how crazy I was or that I now remember the details of the Progressive Era. Crap.

Begging to be filled and painted

Holes Holes Everywhere...

You know you are spending WAY too much time at home when you start noticing holes in your walls. Apparently, these holes have been here for the past two years, but I have never noticed them before. Now I notice them everywhere. Where do they come from? It's like they magically appear. It the freakiest thing.

I really need to get out more often. Fresh air is overrated. Give me recycled air any day. What a load of crap!

One step closer to that man with the cats

Two hours...

That's how much time I spent out of the house this weekend. Actually, since I got off of work Friday. Two whole hours. What did I do during those two hours? I went to the coffee shop on Sunday and read a little bit. Then came back home. What did I do the rest of the time?

Ab-so-fucking-lutely nothing.

I don't mean sit at home relaxing nothing. I mean NOTHING. I got on the computer for a little while. Watched TV for a little while. Slept for a lot a while. What the hell is going on??? I don't think I have ever felt this way before. Well, that's a complete lie. I have been feeling this way for a while now, but I have not come to terms with it before. Hence the whole road trip thing.

"I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant. But nothing, I said nothing can take away these blues."

I have been listening to this stupid song for the past three hours (on repeat). Over and over. I have this need to draw sadness near me lately. This is going to be one of those rambling posts again. I can feel it in my bones.

I understand that there are certain points in a person's life when he reaches a crossroad and has to make a decision. Go one way and see what happens; or go the other way and see where that takes you. (Should a semi-colon go there?) But what happens when you reach a twenty-way crossroad? That's how I feel about my life right now.

I want so very bad to just up and leave. I have this strong desire to live somewhere else. I would love to live in San Franciso or New York. I can't... I know I can't right now. Ashley is at a critical stage in her life where she will need her dad. But I have my doubts as a father right now. I have doubts about everything I am doing in my life right now.

"Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling, tell me baby where did I go wrong?"

I know I should be listening to something more upbeat right now. I know this... I just have to listen to this style of music right now. There is something soothing to the emotions expressed in sad songs. And before you get all Freudian on me, I know there is a connection with that thought. I get pleasure out of pain. I get that... The question is, how do I change that thought process?

I think I was heading in that direction a couple of years ago. I started to feel these feelings, but put myself into another relationship as soon as I noticed those feelings. Who wouldn't want to be happy instead of feeling this crap? The problem is that I was deceiving myself. It was a temporary solution that was bound to fail.

"It's been seven hours and fifteen days, since you took your love away."

Unfortunately, the asshole in me didn't consider the other person's feelings during the whole process. I wanted to escape my feelings and ended up hurting another person in that process. There are not enough "I'm sorrys" in the world to fix some things. I can probably tie some of my current self loathing to that feeling of guilt.

I have to figure this out before I get my daughter for the summer. I know that is unrealistic. I have been hiding these feelings from her when I get her on the weekends. I know that's not right, but it's the best I can do right now. Yet another feeling of guilt trapped within my inner soul.

"It's been so lonely without you here, like a bird without a song."

What have I done with my life? I have created a smaller version of me to pass on my knowledge. Got that one right. I earned my Bachelor's degree. Not bad. Other than those two events, I haven't done much with my life. I don't own a home. I haven't contributed much in this world. What have I given back to this world in exchange for the oxygen I have consumed? I can't think of much. Not to sound conceited, but I have this feeling of greatness in me. I FEEL I should be something grand in this world. That's the sucky part. I haven't figured it out yet. I have mentioned before that simply existing in this world is not good enough for me. I want to leave my mark that will be felt throughout time. You know, this could be interpreted as insanity to some. Especially with all of this depressing thoughts lately. (Note to self. Do not express these feeling to the world. Oops, too late.)

This is why I could never be in politics. These thoughts would be found and there goes my career. Well, these thoughts and my criminal record.

Please Lord, please make the rambling man stop...

Gotta Share This One

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