Unfortunately, I can not choose "C" on this test

Okay. It's been a while. Time for some serious soul searching and revealing. I have been reading a lot about cleansing diets. I have been thinking hard about detoxing with them. Consider this a form of emotional cleansing if you will.

Have you ever been tested in life? I don't mean SAT or STD tested, I mean true deep down inner soul tested. They kind of test that can make you feel hopeless and lost in the end. I HAVE. Several times in life in fact. Each time I thought it was the worst test possible, but I have come to realize each test can ALWAYS be worse.

I have had my whole self being tested this past few months. Am I who I really think I am? Could I have been living a self delusional lie the past few years? I thought I had learned who I was as a person, but the past few months created a crack in my opinion of myself.

Why do you think people seek religion? At first I thought it was something that was taught to them at an early age and they stuck with the repetition because that's all they knew. How naive of me to think that something that simple was the cause of such faith and belief. I have met people that were the exact opposite of that situation. They never had religion growing up and felt they needed something more in their life to ground them. Some sort of guidance if you will.

I've become more of a spiritual person somewhere along the way and do not practice any sort of religion faithfully. I believe in a higher power. I'm not sure what happens to us when we die.

I find that I am losing my wit and that scares the bajebus out of me. I've always thought of myself as a funny and intelligent person. I found myself in situations lately and I had nothing witty to say. I had the perfect situations, the perfect setup, and nothing. Ten years ago, I could have said three of four different things in those situations. Now I can't think of funny things until after the fact. I'm slowing down... WHY?

I think it's like a closer in baseball games. The player puts so much stress on himself, that he does not perform well. I'm expecting myself to be funny or smart and just sit there like a idiot with a thumb up my ass. I think I need to take a solo vacation to get away from everything for a while.