Self Fulfilling Prophecies

I have become a believer that the energy you display to the world will determine if you are going to have a good day or a bad day. If all I focus on is negative energy, then I will attract negative energy back. Makes sense, right?

WRONG!

I have tried really, really hard to exert nothing but good energy lately and I still have shit sent back in my direction. SHIT in my direction. What else can I do, but wipe myself off and continue on my journey.

Why do people have this need to pick sides? Seriously, why MUST a side be chosen? Can't we just be neutral in life sometimes and give others the benefit of the doubt? I know it's harder, but can't we just try that option?

I'm sure my rambling doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but it is helping me vent (for whatever that is worth). I once knew someone that told me I was always creating negative scenarios in my head during that relationship and one day they would come true because I kept focusing on them so much. Turned out she was right. But was she right because I focused so much on the negative that it created a self fulfilling prophecy or was that situation going to occur no matter what I thought. Chicken meet egg, egg meet chicken.

I just don't know. What I do know is that I have to keep trying to live my life and believe that karma or destiny will take care of the rest. I was in this group once that had this saying, "Let go and let God". Basically, just let go of trying to control the situation and let God take care of it. Funny, I still capitalize God. My lack of faith sometimes disturbs me.

I was talking to a friend recently and she mentioned that she attends mega church (Joel Olsteen church formally known as the Compaq Center formally known as The Summit). I was shocked because she was not religious when she was younger (I've known her for over twenty years). And she explained that she felt like she was missing something from her life. She needed something else to give her strength. We are basically reversed. I grew up with a strong religious upbringing and felt that it gave me nothing in life as I got older. She grew up with no religious upbringing and felt religion would give her strength when she got older. To be honest, discussing it with her made me even more confused.

Is it just me? Am I not understanding religion and just not getting something out of it? Or maybe I am just evil and draw people away from religion? I have been told that I am a bad influence by WAY TOO MANY people.

Why am I putting all of this out there on the Internet? This makes no sense. Will it stop me? Nope. I'm an idiot like that at times.