Self Torture

So I mentioned yesterday that "E" now knows about this site. Well, today was the first time she actually started reading some of my previous postings WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HER. I think the sheer terror of her reading some of my postings had me on the edge of blacking out. It was all a blur and I was feeling extremely awkward about the whole situation at first. But as she started reading some of the postings, it actually started to feel pretty good. She laughed at several and some she was trying to understand why I felt that way at the time. I couldn't give her a rational answer other than, "I don't know. I was thinking kinda crazy at the time" (Actually, I didn't say those exact words. So really I shouldn't have put quotation marks around them. But as I mentioned earlier, I was sort of in this hazy black out state, so I don't remember my exact words).

I do this a lot to myself. I am always harder on myself than other people are on me. In fact, the only comment she made was that I need to add more pictures. I have never known what it was like to share very personal information with someone and it not be used against you. This is definitely a new feeling for me. I know it's a good thing, but it still pretty scary.

I feel the same today as I did a few days ago, so I seriously doubt that her reading my postings will negatively influence any of my postings. Even if I did put something down and "E" did not like it, then I would have to put my foot down show her who's the boss (And if your reading this "E", then I'm just kidding. "Please Mommy Dearest, not the wire hanger"). I have my manly side, but I'm no fool.