Sharing crap and all that jazz

I guess since I haven't really posted much lately and I definitely haven't posted anything of substance within the last few months, its time to look deep within this black heart of mine and share some information about me. I was told a while back that I do not share enough information about myself. That is true. I tend to keep my life pretty private. I have an issue with trust and only let a few people know the real me. So, here is a small baby step to change that aspect of me.

I don't grieve very well. Actually, I hardly grieve at all. I have lost both of my grandfathers to cancer, but I never cried about it. I have lost pets as a child, but I never let it affect me. I went through a freakin divorce and didn't feel any grief (lots of anger for sure, but no grief).

The closest thing to grief I have felt is when my daughter was a little girl during the separation from my ex-wife. My daughter was four years old and it killed me when she would cry for me when her mother would come to pick her up. She didn't understand why she couldn't stay with me. She was always a daddy's little girl and seeing the tears in her eyes really tore me up. But I didn't let it show. I have only told a few people about how I felt when that happened. By few, I mean like two (at most). It still gets me to this day just thinking about those moments and I can still see her face crying when I close my eyes sometimes.

I guess all of it stems from the fact that I felt the need to be strong for my family. Damn Mexican heritage. I was always told as a child that men don't cry and men were tough. All that does is eat you up from the inside out.

I don't know why I chose to share this with the world, but I do know what triggered these thoughts. There is a very nice lady that works in our cafeteria at work. She just had a baby a couple of years ago and I would talk to her every day when I went down to get my coffee fix. She was in a car accident this weekend and ended up paralyzed from the neck down. That sucks big time.

I can't understand how life works. The people that dont' deserve these kind of things are hurt all the time. Meanwhile, the scumbags of the earth are never dealt this kind of bad hand.