Whole Month

I definitely post to this site in some sort of cyclic fashion. I can't believe its been a whole month since my last post. I guess I really lost track of time lately. I had a really bad case of flu the past few weeks, but that should not be any excuse. After all, I was home the last couple of weeks. I can't explain it. I just accept it and move on with my life.

That alone is a huge change from my previous personality. I would dwell on those small things for a long, long time and drive myself crazy. I would over analyze EVERYTHING. I always thought it was just my personality and it couldn't change.

I was but a mere child then (year ago). I have learned since then that nothing is static in life and everything is always changing. I think that was part of my problem in the past. I would try so hard to keep everything the same. Its like trying to push all the sand back up the hour glass. No way I could do it, but I would try my hardest. Then when I would fail (obviously I would fail), I would take it really hard and consider myself a failure. I was such a shmuck when I look back on myself.

I know that physically there is not much difference between a year ago and now, but emotionally I'm a whole different person. After all, once you hit 30, forget about it. I'm older than dirt. At least that's how I feel. And 40... oh gawd please tell me it gets better.

Its funny because what do you really have to look forward to after 25? The only age goal left is social security. Fuck me that's forty years later. Let's see... 18 - get to vote, 21 - get to drink, 25 - can rent convertibles... yep big gap here... 65 - eat cat food with my social security checks.

Screw that! I blowing my social security on booze. Let's see... cat food or booze. Hhmmm... I think I'll grab some Mad Dog and Strawberry Hill. Can't beat a good bottle of $2.99 wine.