Humanity

I know it's been a while since I have posted to anything to this site. I was on spring break two weeks ago and I have been doing a lot of thinking last week.

I knew this guy that passed away last week. He was only 28 years old. His death really had me thinking about my life and what I have put into this world. His death was not a sudden accident but it wasn't something that was expected. He had liver problems and died because of those problems. The initial problem wasn't discovered until late last year. I remember drinking with this guy not too long ago. Did his heavy alcohol consumption contribute to his death? It very well could have.

His death along with my viewing of "Body Worlds 3" at the museum has me thinking hard about my drinking patterns. It has kind of put some fear into my drinking. I know this doesn't make much sense to most people, but I have been thinking hard about my life. He was only 28 years old. What the fuck???

I have known people that have passed away in my life, but most of them were older than me. This creates an illusion that it may not be me in that same scenario. But when the person is younger than you, it makes me realize that I can die any day now. I could walk out of my office this afternoon and get hit by a car. I realized that I do not have a living will. This scares me.

I wonder if I have done enough in my life to feel complete when I pass away. Would I be ready to pass to the "other" side or would I be one of these wandering ghosts that feel no completion in their lives? I try to live my life like it is the last, but I'm not sure I have really done that.

All that time I have spent watching Tivo or on the computer. Is it wasting my time? I'm not so sure. Those moments allow me to unwind and provide some sense of stress reduction. Damn it. Is my babbling wasting my time?

Life was so much easier when I was in my ignorant little bubble.

Conversations from my week so far

"You better not blog about this tomorrow!"

"You're on spring break, aren't you motherfucker?"

"Howard, look at the smoker's lung. You're not Howard."

No apologies Required

I keep telling myself that I should not apologize to the world for the sorry posts as of late. I have not even posted anything lately, much less anything of substance since lords knows how long.

Anyway, I know I suck right now, but it will get better. I promise. Don't I sound like some kind of abusive husband? They always say the same things just to keep stringing you along. "I didn't mean to hit you upside the head with a 2X4. I love you!"

That's how I feel right now. I smacked you upside the head with a big ass stick and now I'm trying to apologize. Isn't this messed up? It's almost like I'm letting you down. There are some deep issues with that one.

Okay, enough of the crap. Back to your regularly scheduled Internet porn.

Poor lonely geek

How do you know when you have reached geek status? I think this qualifies for sure.

Too Funny

Can't get me coper

I used to play this game when I was younger called "Lethal Enforcer". Basically, it was a shooting game where you are a cop and you try to shoot virtual bad guys. The line the bad guys would always say was, "Can't get me coper!"

Every time I see a popo on the streets, I say this line out loud (or think it most of the time in my head). I don't know why that stuck with me to this day. I think I relate the police to "the man". They are all one and the same.

Anyway, today I officially renewed my license. So the popos can't randomly pull me over any more. Well, I'm Mexican so they problem will still randomly pull me over, but at least they can't get me for driving without a license.

SUCKERS...

Real or Memorex?

I had this thought on the way into work this morning. Is it me or is life and movies becoming this big blurry object. I know that makes no sense, but hear me out. When I was a kid, I would watch a movie and think, "this is such a cool movie". Then a few months later, I would remember that movie and smile. Now, I see a movie and a few months later I can't remember if I saw something in a movie or it happened in real life. Not in my life... I'm not that messed up in the head. I mean, like I read it somewhere or saw it on the Internet. There are so many movies out there based on "real" events. It's hard to keep track in my head whether something really happened or I just saw it in a movie somewhere. Am I the only one having this problem?

Seriously, it freaks me out a little (actually this morning it freaked me out a lot). I read so many things on the Internet and watch so much television, that it may be distorting my perspective of reality. After all, reality is nothing more than my version of life. My reality is completely different than your reality. So, I have no way of verifying that it was real. Oh yeah, I can ask others if it really did happen, but how often could I do that? Sooner or later, I'll be labeled a looney. Am I going senile? Is this what people with Alzheimer's go through every day?

I have a grandmother that has Alzheimer's. It's very sad at times. I don't like to think about her life now. I know that's a very selfish act, but it hurts a lot to think about it. I remember a very different person compared to the way she is now. I used to have a hard time in the past expressing feelings like this out loud. And in any written form, forget about it. It does sadden me though and it really does freak me out that one day I could become a person in the same situation. When she was my age, I'm sure she never expected to get the disease.

I know I switched topics on you, but it is all related. Since I believe that reality is based on my perspective of life, then what is going on in my head. I can't remember if I saved the world from alien invaders last week or was it some movie I watched. Okay, I know I'm bullshitting now. I just started feeling a little too emotional with that last topic and had to switch it. I have so much to learn about these things called "feelings". God, it sucks to feel sometimes.

How Much?

Ok, I lied about ordering the bawls. Actually, I didn't lie, but I started placing the order until I found out how much they wanted to charge for shipping. A case of blue bawls was around $30. Not bad.

I then went to checkout and had it estimate the shipping cost based on my zip code. A whopping $16 to ship. Excuse Me?

That's over half the cost of the case. I don't think so. So I went onto their web site and discovered that there are several places locally that sell my special blue balls (oops, bawls). I'm heading out tonight in search of the elusive blue bawls.

Jingle my Bawls

Who could resist this product after listening to this catchy jingle?

Blue Bawls

I mentioned this product a while ago, but I'm placing my order for it as I type.

Evil Dad

I hope this dad has enough money to pay for his life long therapy.

Evil Dad