Delta

I watched this movie tonight called "Committed" with Heather Graham and Luke Wilson. I thought it was pretty good. She kind of reminded me of my type of personality. Now that I think about it, I don't know if that's a good thing.

Anyway, there was this line in the move when she says, "It feels like I'm telling a joke, but no one is laughing. I keep telling the joke though because I like the joke."

That's kind of how I feel my life is right now. Sometimes it feels like no one understands my life. I have worked very hard to discover myself the past year. This self discovery stuff is all new to me. I spent almost all of my life worrying about other people and their feelings. It is much harder worrying about my own feelings first, but also worrying about the feelings of others. Deep down inside I kind of feel like an asshole if I don't consider the feelings of others. The only problem is not letting those feelings override my own feelings.

I was talking to a friend today when I mentioned that I feel this deep need for change. What kind of change, I'm not sure. But I have been trying to figure it out for a while now. I kept chasing this feeling. But every time I thought I got close to the answer, it would feel even further away. I realized today that I just need to live my life and it quit chasing this feeling. When it's ready to show itself, it will come to me.

Damn rambling again... that's one aspect of me that never seems to go away.