An offer you can not refuse

I think the mafia has moved to Santa Fe, Texas. There is definitely some kind of ticket extortion going on there. I was pulled over about a month ago on my way to Galveston. Mind you, I was going 65 (legal speed limit) in the far left lane. A cop on the far right shoulder (five lanes over including the shoulder) pulled me over because he saw my inspection sticker was expired. FIVE FREAKING LANES OVER. How the hell does he notice that when he is stationary and I am doing 65?

Anyway, his freakish observation powers aside, he gives me a ticket. Never mind that the ticketing method used expired in the 50's. Who the hell still uses old carbon paper that you can't read jack shit on nowadays? He writes the phone number on the ticket for the judge's office. He gives me the wrong freakin number. I called all kinds of variations of that number and not one of them were right. So what does a logical geek like me do in this situation? I google the freaking judge with the little information I can read from my ticket. My google-fu is strong because I found the office and the phone number wasn't even close to what the asshole DPS cop wrote on the ticket.

Okay Daniel... breath.... so I talk to the nice lady on the phone and explain that I can not read when my court date is and she tells me that I don't have one. The officer just writes that date on the ticket as an informational date. I can schedule one if I like. I tell her I would rather just pay the fine and mail in all my information. She gives me the mailing address and tells me what to include in the letter. No biggie, then we get to the fine amount. The conversation goes like this...

Me: You only take money orders or cashier's checks through the mail, is that correct?
Court Lady: Yes
Me: Then how much do I need to send in?
CL: Well your sticker was expired in 2007, is that correct?
Me: Yes
CL: Well, did you get the inspection done?
Me: Yes
CL: Good news, then all you owe is a dollar plus the court costs.
Me: (Starting to get excited. Wow only a dollar.) That sounds good. So what is the total?
CL: $101
Me: What?
CL: Yes, one dollar for the fine and $100 for the court costs.
Me: (Chocking on my spit from the shock and awe she just dropped on me.)
CL: Well, it's actually better than the $131 you would have to pay if you had to come to court.
Me: Yes, that is true. (I start laughing kind of nervously)
CL: Is there a problem.
Me: No, I guess I'm just used to Harris County where the court costs are much cheaper for this type of fine.
CL: Yeah. Well, we charge $100 for our court costs here.
Me: Okay, thank you very much. (Looking for something to OD with)

There is no way this hick town needs to charge $100 for court costs when I'm not even going to court. Seriously, $100 just to take my letter, open it up, put the information into the computer, and deposit my money. Seriously?

I swear the mafia has moved from the casinos to the judicial system.