Happiness

What defines happiness in a person's life?

Every time I think I know what it takes to make me happy, life
somehow throws me a curveball. I have no idea anymore and it is
really starting to scare me as an individual. Sometimes I wonder why
I follow certain actions that may jeopardize my happiness. Maybe I
subconsciously do not want to be happy in life. I have a really good
opportunity in my life right now to be pretty happy and it scares me.
I try to live in the moment and just enjoy the good things in my
life, but I start to second guess everything. This downward spiral
will be the death of me (or at least the death of my current
relationship).

Relationship... That word alone scares the living crap out of me.
Seriously, don't look at my backside because just that word alone
makes my bowels quiver like Jello. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be in
another relationship right now, but it appears that it is ready for
me. I am trying my hardest to fight this tide, but somehow it keeps
going forward. I want to be in a good relationship and "happy", but
it all seems to unreal. I don't believe in fairy tales anymore and I
know that everyone is not perfect.

I know it sounds so pessimistic. That's just where I am in my life
right now.