Horrible Friend

I'm such a horrible friend sometimes. Oh, the horrors...

I received a call about a month ago from a friend that I had not heard from in over four years. Out of blue. Just like that. And what do I do? Not call him back.

WHY???

I don't know. I keep making up excuses. I don't have his number in my phone whenever I remember or "It's kind of late, I'll call him tomorrow." Yeah right.

We didn't part on bad terms completely. I mean, yeah I felt used at times and resented it. But we have known each other since I was twelve years old. How could I not talk to someone who I've known for so long? Maybe I'm just scared.

I noticed that the number he left was not in our area code. I even went as far as to look up the area code. Florida...

I think something deep down inside of me wants to be completely alone in this world. I alienate the people closest to me all the time. Maybe it's a trust thing. Maybe I'm so selfish that I only trust myself.

I can be such a horrible person sometimes. Is it me, or am I heading toward some awful downward spiral of emotions lately?