Never underestimate its power

Matamoscas = Spanish for fly swatter.

Growing up my grandmother taught me the power of the fly swatter. Only she would shorten it to "moscas". Whenever she would see anything flying in her house, she would have me get the mighty weapon.

"Mijo, go get me my moscas."

Then with one mighty swat, the object would disintegrate before my eyes. She could kill anything that flies with her moscas. I think she could even slay a flying dragon with that thing. She also taught me the valuable lesson of the moscas. I used to stay with her for a few weeks during the summers. Whenever I would do something bad, she would swat me with the moscas. Damn it used to sting like a mother bitch. It would then leave these tiny little square welts on my leg. Those were the days when punishment was really PUNISHMENT. And it can't be any 'ol fly swatter. No, the Mexican moscas must be the plastic squared fly swatter with the metal handle. It looked like a straightened out metal hanger with some plastic on the end.

As I got older, she taught me her method of swatting. "It's all in the wrists." You flick it just right with the wrists and you achieve maximum velocity. Okay, I made up that last part, but she did show me that the wrist action was the most important part of the slaying technique.

I recently had a bad wasp problem in my back porch last month and went out to buy some wasp spray. I sprayed those damn wasps several times with two different kinds of spray. They would just shake it off and laugh at me. Then they would do a fly by and watch me scramble inside the house. I could have sworn I heard them snickering at me as they flew by. I finally got tired of their shit and went out to by my own moscas. You can only push a man so far before he starts pushing back.

Needless to say, I have a wasp problem no more. I brought this up today because a fly flew into my house after I finished walking my dog. I wanted to kill it before she saw it but it was too late. You see, I have a very neurotic dog. She has this thing about flying insects in the house. I don't know what happened in the past. But ever since I've known her, she is deathly afraid of flying bugs. Damn it, now she will stay RIGHT by my side the whole night long. And I don't me next to me, nooo... I mean lean on your leg like she has no legs right next to me. I have to keep pushing her off and she just sneaks right back.

Anyway, you can see my dilemma. Should I use the moscas on her? That would keep her off of me. Hhmmm....

I'm just kidding. I wouldn't use it on her. You can not abuse the power of the moscas. You fellow Mexicans know what I'm talking about... I can't be the only one that has been old school disciplined.