Road to discovery

I just finished the book Repacking Your Bags. This book had a huge impact into the evaluation of my current life and where I want to go with my life. I have struggled with several internal issues for a while and this book put some clarity into certain aspects of my life that I have questioned. I highly recommend it to everyone.

Anyway, I read this passage today that just about sums up a lot of what I have been feeling lately.

"Zeteophobia is the fear of searching out. It's the feeling that stops so many of us in our tracks - the fear that the decision is just too big to make. We feel that we must decide 'now' how we're doing to spend 'the rest of our lives'! We see the life/work decisions as being too important -so crucial and overwhelming- that we can't bear to face them."

So the way I see it, I have two choices. I can either continue to live my life the way I always do, or I can change it. It boils down to those two options. There is this internal turmoil that I face daily. I have no other choice than to do something about it. The one thing that has always held me back was fear. Oh ne ne fear, you will no longer control me.

What am I going to do? I don't know. I think this road trip will help me answer that question. Looking back on it, I have shown these signs for a while. I have wanted to take camping trips to get away from it all. I have wanted to pack up everything and move someplace else. I have wanted to quit technology and become a lumberjack or fisherman (even though I can't swim). I knew this feeling all along, but I was just to scared to do anything about it.

It's similar to a timid dooberman pincher. It's running away from everyone. But if it feels cornered, it will attack. This is my subconscious attacking me and I have the emotional scares to prove it.