Confession Time

I was raised Catholic, so as a child I was taught that we must confess our sins every week to a priest. Nothing against the Catholic religion, but I think that's a bunch of crap. Not the confessing sins part. I think that is probably pretty healthy, but that you can only confess your sins to Catholic priests. Of course this brings out the rebellious side of me. Therefore, I am going to confess my sins to the world (Well not really, but I am going to confess some of my fears and concerns.)

[Looking around to see if anyone can hear me...]
Sometimes I feel like I am the worst father in the world. My parents actually did a remarkable job of capturing my childhood while it was occurring. He was constantly videotaping or photographing me while I was growing up. During the time, I found this quite annoying and would be embarrassed by his constant picture taking. Now I am very thankful for his foresight in capturing the moment for the future. He knew that one day these memories would fade and the details would start to disappear. One of the few ways to keep those details sharp, was to capture them down for the future.

I don't think I have done this enough for my daughter. I have taken pictures of her, but I don't think I took enough when she was a child. I guess this is why I have this sudden interest in a video camera and a new digital camera. I want to capture as much of these memories as possible before she becomes a full grown woman. Sometimes I think I am too late. She is looking so much older now and she has no problem blending in with my sister's friends when they go out together. She is as tall as my youngest sister (four years older than her). The innocence in her eyes is fading each time I see her. And in another year and a half she will hit her teen years. Then it's boys, parties, and the world will start to end. I have a hard time as it is witnessing my youngest sister infatuated with a boyfriend and wanting to go out on dates all the time. She still a little girl, how can she want to do all that stuff?

I know, I know... I have to let go. The thought that worries me the most is this. If I am having a hard time letting my youngest sister become a woman, I'm going to have a hell of a time letting my own flesh and blood daughter become a woman. The selfish side of me doesn't want her to grow up. Every time I look at her, I see this three year old girl sitting in my lap.

I know I got off tangent here, but I think that is the problem. I don't feel as if I have enough pictures of her when she was younger to remember her as a little girl. If I let go of that image in my head, I'm afraid I will lose that little girl forever. Crazy as it may sound, it is true.