Have you ever known the type of person that just gets all the luck? Not sometimes, but all the time. I grew up with a best friend that would enter any type of contest and win. You hear me? ANY contest.
He won a Ford Expedition from a church raffle. He won radio contest all the time. And I'm not talking about winning CDs or movie tickets. I'm talking about game consoles and other big prizes.
I have another friend that seems to be that way. Wins without even trying. Doesn't even bat an eye when he wins. Wins a contest one week and wouldn't you know it wins again the next week.
I don't think you can change your life to become one of these people. Your born with that kind of luck. I, on the other hand, support these type of people. In more ways than one. Of course, I wish the best for my friends and want them to win. It just sucks that I end up supporting their winnings.
Lotto, I never even win the stupid three bucks. Everyone usually wins the $3 at some point in time. Me, nothing. I guess the good thing is that my money is helping school children somewhere in this state. Stupid school children.
Okay, I can't be bitter. This is probably why I never win. I expect something in return. Yeah, yeah... I guess I could tie this into some sort of LIFE lesson. Yadda, yadda, yadda...
I just have no patience for life lessons sometimes. Even if I know they would help make my life better. I am a hard headed son of a bitch sometimes. Okay, most of the time. Fuck it... all the time.
I have this problem of not wanting to give unless I know there is some calculated return on my investment. Works well with my money, not so well in all the other aspects of my life. I could lie and say that I've tried to change that part of me. It wouldn't be a complete lie. I have tried. I really have... just not as hard as I could try.
I mentioned a while back about this candle I bought for my apartment. The prayer candle. I won't bring up the other aspect of that damn candle, but I mentioned that I bought it as a decoration. I did buy it for decoration, but that was not the only reason I bought that candle. I wanted to actually see if it would work. I was testing my Catholic candle burning heritage and see if that damn thing worked.
It did actually kind of work, but I think my intentions were not honest so it came back to bite me in the ass. I got what I wanted, but in some strange Greek tragedy sort of way. Hence my reluctance in lighting that damn candle again. Well, that and the fact that I can't light it anymore.
I can't find the wick for the candle. It just seemed to disappear. I have dug into the candle and can not find the wick. Ever since I came home and blew it out, I have not been able to light it again. I still have it. I don't have the heart to throw it away. Partly out of curiosity, but mostly out of fear. What happened to the damn wick?
Anyway, I was thinking about getting another one. Just to test the theory of not blowing it out. I live in an apartment and don't think I should leave a lit candle burning. I was told once I light it, I should not blow it out. Doesn't matter because I would just be selfish again.
If there is a god out there, he sure does like to torment me at times. God must be female and extracted her revenge on me for my selfish ways in the past. What will it take to change all of this? Does God want a foot rub? What about some flowers or chocolates? This, my friends, is why I'm going to burn in hell.
Off to find that damn wick again.
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