Six Simple Rules

Relationships are extremely confusing to me. I must admit, I have not
had the best track record so far with my past relationships. Maybe
they should teach you these things in school when you are younger.
Math, science, history, relationships, gym, reading... I know I could
use a few classes to help me learn some things about relationships
that I just don't quite understand.

For example, when does the person you are "seeing" become your
girlfriend / boyfriend? And is there a difference between "seeing"
someone and "dating" someone? I would think that if you are dating
someone there is more commitment involved, but what do I know. And I
have never been good at all these rules placed on us by society. I
don't even know the rules all that well to tell you the truth. Are
you supposed to wait two days or three days to call someone after you
get her number? And don't even get me started on the whole "I love
you" point of relationships. Is there a certain timeframe to say
those potent words? Too early and you seem eager, too late and you
have no feelings. And what about the whole cohabitation thing? Is it
okay to live with someone without being married? My last ex told me
after we broke up, "Why buy the cow, when you have the milk for
free". She did have a point. When you live together it creates this
whole false world of married life, but you have none of the
commitments involved with marriage. All of these things are so
confusing. The pressure alone is enough to make me not want to be in
any form of committed relationship.

But in a committed relationship I am...

So this is for all the people out there that want my view on
relationships. And if no one out there wants my view then tough
because I'm going to give it anyway. I think there should not be any
rules to all of this stuff. Feelings and emotions follow no logic and
therefore you can not have rules to contain those emotions. In order
to have rules, it would require that we all have the same type of
relationship every time. This, as you can imagine, is illogical (said
in a Mr. Spock voice). We each have different relationships. Hell,
every time I'm in a relationship it is different. Okay, since that is
out of the way now, here is my version of the rules...

1.) There is no difference between "seeing" someone, "dating"
someone, or "going out" with someone. They are all the same thing.
2.) If you have been together for over 30 days, then you are now
officially "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". Of course the two terms can
interchange as necessary "girlfriend and girlfriend" or "boyfriend
and boyfriend".
3.) You have to wait a minimum of twelve hours to call someone after
you get their number. If you want to talk to them why can't you give
them a call?
4.) The maximum amount of time you can take to call someone after you
get his/her number is three days. If your too busy to call before
three days, then you don't have time to date anyway.
5.) You can live together whenever you want and for as long as you
want. Screw society and these false standards that we must live up to.
6.) The right time to tell someone "I love you" is when you feel it.
If the other person is not ready to hear those words yet, then tough.
It doesn't change the fact that you feel that way about them. We
shouldn't go around in life feeling love and not expressing it
because we are worried about how the other person will interpret
those words. If they can't handle those words, then it's their
problem not your problem.

So, these are my six simple rules to live a long and prosperous life.
Well, not really, but they may help you develop a loving and lasting
relationship. I just wish I realized these six rules earlier in my
life. But, it's better to know them now then sixty years from now
when I'm too old to take advantage of them.